PTSD Beautiful Trauma

an expulsive cataclysm of the soul

On 11th November, both French and Brits remember the end of First World War.

When I first arrived in Paris, in the end of 2007, I didn’t even imagine that they were celebrating this official date on the European Agenda. Cos in Italy, my home Country, the war ends on 4th of november, but I don’t have any memory of this event’s celebration.

Did we win? Yes, after connecting with the Net, I can validate that we won and allied were the US. Most famous camerade Ernest Hemingway did participate to the special event in Northern Italy, and wrote “Fiesta” once passing by in Paris.

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Ernest Hemingway with Agnes in Milan 1918.

The UK ceremony fot this 11th november was stunning. Here you get what’s about.

A poppy is an acknowledgement of those who came before us and fought for our freedom and lost their lives doing it. #Neverforget is more than just words for us.

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Poppies were found growing fast around graves around the time the First World War ended. They mark not just the end of war but the hope for a better future and a better way.

Queen Elizabeth has been seen wearing five poppies since 2016. Some say that she has chosen to do so to represent the five services active in the World Wars.

They help vets
During 1922, disabled former soldiers were put to work making poppies in factories. Several organisations have since continued making them to raise money to support former soldiers.

Other countries wear them too
Apart from the UK, poppies are used in Canada, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand. The Royal British Legion sends around three million poppies to 120 different countries, including France, Germany, Sri Lanka, Cyprus and Spain.

With courtesy of Forces Penpals the official website for military support dating and social networking.

 

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Hi Crew.

** It’s reunion time here.** 

Did you have a good year? or did you feel abandoned?

This come back sounds pretty good to me, since I have a new Restart.

First, I want you to **congratulate** with me:)

If you read through my storytelling :

  • in 2015 went through these Paris attacks ( aftermath of a long term stress disorder )
  • panic attacks and anxiety manifestation ( 6 months later my fucking fake alert )
  • declared unfit to previous job ( hotel assistant )
  • had to retrain for a different service
  • got validation – after 3 years – for the present job ( admin )

Lost :

  • all meaningful relationships
  • my team/community
  • long term job security
  • sense of confidence
  • sense of safety
  • physical and mental health
  • key project for my future job career
  • lots of time in toxic relationships, plus some sort of addictions like shopping on the internet to compensate my frustration, too much coffee, rosé wine, and cigarettes yock

What I was planning before that I got my present job validation:

  • quitting any hope for a better future ( shall I feel that way forever? will I get a handicap card? and stigma? )
  • going back home ( what for? oups, no idea )
  • depression and more anxiety

What helped me to hold on and keep it up:

  • a few, true friends
  • a Second Book on the way

Not bad for a restart, right ?

 

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Dragon Fly is a symbol for Transformation.

What I am planning to do now :

  • reorganise the good job done on this website (a bit naïve, but honest and original)
  • improve my language skills (**it’s on your mind**)
  • add some podcast (use my voice, so you’ll get my nice accent and poetry reading)
  • start a mindfulness program on a 8 weeks bases **for free**

Oh well, my look is quite changed, as much as my inner transformation and will put a few photos which will shock you, hopefully, in a good way:)

Give away as much more stuff as I can, and I hope, that you will enjoy.

I won’t be perhaps that regular that you (and google ads) will expect, but I am still busy on writing, and this book will deserve my priority quality time ( days off work ).

When I have started this blogging, I was under construction and each day was a challenge… will I do it ? Will I ever take my long term job back? Will I return to home at mum and dad in Italy ? Doing what ? ( same small life that I was eager to quit before ? where people are scared cos now I’ve got a cosmopolitan background? )

This 2019 took my cherished Aunt away after lungs cancer; and few more losses among friends ( very bad incident and leucemia ).

I thought : « Life hasn’t finished with me » and I am here to reply « Then, I haven’t finish with life ». Right ?

This work is re-open on 13th November 20194 years later the **Parisian apocalypse**. Despite, I am not here for promoting kind of pity for terrorist victims, and please, don’t get me wrong, I have cried rivers in those days, and as a survivor, all my life went through a huge, long dark night through everyday ordeals, until Now.

Though, I am not here to say : “poor me, poor you”. We don’t need that. Right?

All time I’m spending with you, sharing what made a difference in my journey, is a **present** to any of you who really want to restart and live again – with dignity – after any sort of trauma.

** attention, please **

This is not any suicidal help line. I am not qualified as a pro caregiver would be.

***

But I can be the one who inspires and give a new sparkle to whom went through same exhaustion which is technically named « burn out », « break down » … or in my own words, « holy shit ».

V sign for Victory

V Sign for Victory.

My last books authors include mystics turned into psychologists and psychiatrists renowned for elite sport mind management; anger, fear and such topic as death will be put on the table.

It took me 45 years to feel any sort of self CONFIDENCE, self WORTH or self ESTEEM. But stop it, you can’t be so DUMB all life long. Life is calling, …. or you grow, NOW, or you stagn and die. That’s like anything in nature does on this Earth.

** publishing soon? fingers crossed **

When I first choose to write this website in English, I did it because it helps me to put a distance, and I am quite happy about this decision. I will also do some poetry reading, humbled, yet, thrilled cos I found this poet, in Great Britain, who’s been on a long journey and I will share his story with you, by his agreement. He’s been a 35 years long Army Aircops pilot, medically retired due to PTSD and today he is blessing his audience with outstanding words to share his feelings.

My first book was self published, as a memoir, in my first language. Thou its value is really personal. That journaling was incredibly my banister to hold me tight, when nothing else did. Since then, I hopefully did some progress with my writing skills; and, for sure, I will put all the references for the magic books I found and read, or half read, on the Path. So that you can get more information on Mental health, and eventually improve your Mind management.

Dunno what is your job, or where you were born and live today, if you come from Ego, Insecurity and Emotion you are more than Welcome into my World.

This has been my wasted land until recently, so I wish you all **Good luck, heros**

Keep as hard as a rock;)

Yours truely, Parisian Sparkle x

 

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