That’s Life. Amazing Joker.

You know why I am posting this. Do you:)

Stunning version of Frank Sinatra‘s original song.

** The Phoenix **

10 “IS IT JUST ME OR IS IT GETTING CRAZIER OUT THERE?”

In Batman lore, Gotham is usually depicted as a broken city before Batman arrives to save the day. However, the Gotham we see in Joker is even bleaker. The ’70s setting provides a gritty feel to the place, and it always feels like it is a city about to go up in flames.

The conditions of Gotham likely play a huge role in Arthur’s descent into madness. As the film begins, we see Arthur talking to his social worker and he struggles with how terrible things have gotten. It is a haunting hint at how bad things will be by the end of the film.

“YOU DON’T LISTEN, DO YOU?”

The idea of being ignored and overlooked is a big theme in Joker. Arthur is a man who is struggling in life and needs help, but the world around him is uncaring. When he visits with his social worker, he communicates the frustration of that feeling.

As she tells him that their program is being cut, Arthur laments that even in this space where he is supposed to get help, he is ignored. He wants people to listen to him and take notice. As the story goes on, we see that he’s willing to go to extremes to get noticed.

“SOMEONE WHO HIDES BEHIND A MASK.”

The movie gives us a very different version of Thomas Wayne than we have ever seen before. Instead of the dedicated businessman who wants to use his resources to help the people of Gotham, he is a self-involved man of privilege who refuses to consider the needs of the less fortunate.

After Arthur kills some abusive men on the subway, reports come out about a vigilante in a clown mask. Wayne gives his own opinion about cowards that hide behind masks. This is a not-so-subtle nod to his son’s future, and it connects Joker and Batman in an interesting way.

“PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO NOTICE.”

After the subway murders, something awakens in Arthur and he seems to have discovered some twisted purpose. More disturbingly, he seems to inspire other desperate people in the city through his murderous actions.

Arthur finally sees himself getting attention and that feeds into his sense of meaning. He has accidentally become a symbol of Gotham’s revolution, and is willing to continue down this dark path so he is no longer ignored.

“I HOPE MY DEATH MAKES MORE CENTS THAN MY LIFE.”

Arthur’s dream of becoming a stand-up comedian is a tragic one, as his failure at accomplishing that purpose leads him to his much darker one. However, it also gives interesting insight into his disturbed mind. Arthur doesn’t seem to understand humor in the same way others do, as evidenced by his “joke journal.”

Among these strange scribblings and ideas, there is one phrase he keeps returning to, “I hope my death makes more cents than my life.” It is a hint at Arthur’s dissatisfaction with his current life but also convinces him he’s meant for something greater.

“I USED TO THINK MY LIFE WAS A TRAGEDY…”

The tragedy of Arthur’s character is that he truly does want to bring joy and laughter to the world — it’s just that the world doesn’t want it from him. He tries to maintain this joyful outlook even with his life as difficult as it is. But when things continue to pile upon him, it gets too much to bear.

When Arthur visits his mother in the hospital after finding out about how he was abused as a child, he adopts a new outlook. He says “I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it’s a f**king comedy.”

“THE WORST PART OF HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS…”

Though many people probably went into this movie thinking they would see a violent and dark take on the comic book film, Joker is much more about the exploration of having a mental health condition and how society reacts to it.

Arthur suffers from severe mental illness but we see little sympathy for his condition. This relates to his feeling about being ignored. One profound and heartbreaking entry in his journal reads, “The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t.”

“ALL I HAVE ARE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.”

The movie raises the disturbing idea that a villain like Joker might never have been created if people had just listened. Arthur knows he is sick and he wants help, but the world’s disinterest in him and his struggle causes his downward spiral.

As Arthur meets with his social worker, he criticizes her for asking the same questions and not actually caring about the answers. His cry for help once again falls on deaf ears. It is a heartbreaking and frightening line delivered perfectly by Phoenix.

“YOU WOULDN’T GET IT.”

As we follow Arthur on his dark journey, the movie continues to play around with the idea of reality. We see things happen that later are revealed to be inside Arthur’s mind. This leads to the ending, which hints at the possibility that the entire thing could have been a “joke” in Arthur’s head.

After Arthur is celebrated in the streets during the riots, the film quickly cuts to him in custody in Arkham Asylum. As he laughs, the doctor asks if he would like to share the joke. He simply responds, “You wouldn’t get it,” which leaves an uneasy question of what is going on in his head.

“YOU GET WHAT YOU F**KING DESERVE!”

When Arthur is invited onto the late-night show hosted by Murray Franklin (Robert De Niro), you just know something bad is going to happen. Indeed, Arthur takes this moment to debut his Joker persona and hold society accountable.

After admitting to killing the men on the subway, Arthur criticizes Murray and others for how they treat people like him. He then ends with a final joke, What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? You get what you f**kin’ deserve!He then murders Murray on live television in the movie’s most shocking moment.

With courtesy of https://screenrant.com/joker-movie-joaquin-phoenix-memorable-quotes/

The Phoenix is Rising in Washington DC on 11/22.

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Description

Why do some of our greatest leaders come from traumatic beginnings? How does our role as clinicians allow us to facilitate growth from suffering to incredible possibility? Join Dr. Julie Lopez as she shares about the the ways we can help our clients tap into their bodies’ invisible wisdom and build resiliency from trauma. Participants will learn about:

  • the 3 main reframes of trauma work
  • the 5 components of trauma resilience
  • adaptive memory networks
  • implicit memory
  • trauma resolution

Attendees are eligible to earn 3 CEUs. Connect with fellow clinicians while enhancing your ability to provide trauma-informed care to your clients in the medical field. This event is co-sponsored by The Refuge: A Healing Place.

About the Presenter

Dr. Julie Lopez is a speaker, master clinician, and the Founder of Viva Partnership, a mental health organization dedicated to sparking a mental health revolution.

Her clinical specialty is working with implicit memory (hidden, cellular memories) by utilizing advanced brain-based therapies, including EMDR, Brainspotting, and Neurofeedback. After beginning her career as a systems engineer, she quickly gained an interest in viewing the human body as a system – specifically how humans store and deal with trauma in the body and the compulsions often developed to cope and adapt to trauma.

Over the years, Dr. Julie has been cited as a trauma and addictions expert and has been featured on Associated Press, Fox News, Telemundo and a host of other print and broadcast publications. Additionally, she served as adjunct faculty for The Catholic University of America’s graduate social work program for nearly a decade.

Buy ticket here.

Date And Time

Fri, November 22, 2019

9:00 AM – 12:15 PM EST

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Location

Busboys and Poets

2021 14th Street NW

Washington, DC 20009

Back for good.

Hi Crew.

** It’s reunion time here.** 

Did you have a good year? or did you feel abandoned?

This come back sounds pretty good to me, since I have a new Restart.

First, I want you to **congratulate** with me:)

If you read through my storytelling :

  • in 2015 went through these Paris attacks ( aftermath of a long term stress disorder )
  • panic attacks and anxiety manifestation ( 6 months later my fucking fake alert )
  • declared unfit to previous job ( hotel assistant )
  • had to retrain for a different service
  • got validation – after 3 years – for the present job ( admin )

Lost :

  • all meaningful relationships
  • my team/community
  • long term job security
  • sense of confidence
  • sense of safety
  • physical and mental health
  • key project for my future job career
  • lots of time in toxic relationships, plus some sort of addictions like shopping on the internet to compensate my frustration, too much coffee, rosé wine, and cigarettes yock

What I was planning before that I got my present job validation:

  • quitting any hope for a better future ( shall I feel that way forever? will I get a handicap card? and stigma? )
  • going back home ( what for? oups, no idea )
  • depression and more anxiety

What helped me to hold on and keep it up:

  • a few, true friends
  • a Second Book on the way

Not bad for a restart, right ?

 

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Dragon Fly is a symbol for Transformation.

What I am planning to do now :

  • reorganise the good job done on this website (a bit naïve, but honest and original)
  • improve my language skills (**it’s on your mind**)
  • add some podcast (use my voice, so you’ll get my nice accent and poetry reading)
  • start a mindfulness program on a 8 weeks bases **for free**

Oh well, my look is quite changed, as much as my inner transformation and will put a few photos which will shock you, hopefully, in a good way:)

Give away as much more stuff as I can, and I hope, that you will enjoy.

I won’t be perhaps that regular that you (and google ads) will expect, but I am still busy on writing, and this book will deserve my priority quality time ( days off work ).

When I have started this blogging, I was under construction and each day was a challenge… will I do it ? Will I ever take my long term job back? Will I return to home at mum and dad in Italy ? Doing what ? ( same small life that I was eager to quit before ? where people are scared cos now I’ve got a cosmopolitan background? )

This 2019 took my cherished Aunt away after lungs cancer; and few more losses among friends ( very bad incident and leucemia ).

I thought : « Life hasn’t finished with me » and I am here to reply « Then, I haven’t finish with life ». Right ?

This work is re-open on 13th November 20194 years later the **Parisian apocalypse**. Despite, I am not here for promoting kind of pity for terrorist victims, and please, don’t get me wrong, I have cried rivers in those days, and as a survivor, all my life went through a huge, long dark night through everyday ordeals, until Now.

Though, I am not here to say : “poor me, poor you”. We don’t need that. Right?

All time I’m spending with you, sharing what made a difference in my journey, is a **present** to any of you who really want to restart and live again – with dignity – after any sort of trauma.

** attention, please **

This is not any suicidal help line. I am not qualified as a pro caregiver would be.

***

But I can be the one who inspires and give a new sparkle to whom went through same exhaustion which is technically named « burn out », « break down » … or in my own words, « holy shit ».

V sign for Victory

V Sign for Victory.

My last books authors include mystics turned into psychologists and psychiatrists renowned for elite sport mind management; anger, fear and such topic as death will be put on the table.

It took me 45 years to feel any sort of self CONFIDENCE, self WORTH or self ESTEEM. But stop it, you can’t be so DUMB all life long. Life is calling, …. or you grow, NOW, or you stagn and die. That’s like anything in nature does on this Earth.

** publishing soon? fingers crossed **

When I first choose to write this website in English, I did it because it helps me to put a distance, and I am quite happy about this decision. I will also do some poetry reading, humbled, yet, thrilled cos I found this poet, in Great Britain, who’s been on a long journey and I will share his story with you, by his agreement. He’s been a 35 years long Army Aircops pilot, medically retired due to PTSD and today he is blessing his audience with outstanding words to share his feelings.

My first book was self published, as a memoir, in my first language. Thou its value is really personal. That journaling was incredibly my banister to hold me tight, when nothing else did. Since then, I hopefully did some progress with my writing skills; and, for sure, I will put all the references for the magic books I found and read, or half read, on the Path. So that you can get more information on Mental health, and eventually improve your Mind management.

Dunno what is your job, or where you were born and live today, if you come from Ego, Insecurity and Emotion you are more than Welcome into my World.

This has been my wasted land until recently, so I wish you all **Good luck, heros**

Keep as hard as a rock;)

Yours truely, Parisian Sparkle x

 

Shell Shock: Break Down in WWI. Now they are free.

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An increasingly large number of men seemed to have simply lost the will to fight.

Well, before facing this topic I have been meditating and taking time for breathing, alone, in the woods. This is one of the most sensitive subject I am still willing to write about. For the side story, I am one of those who experienced panic attacks and tremors, neurosthenia, physical and mental break down, which led to occupational burn out, as a consequence of « Paris Terror », in january and november 2015. Still dealing with the aftermath. But I am confident, and I will sort it out or bust.

By the way, I lived a « fake alert », while terrorists were around the parisian region ; trauma is like you face your death, and I was still on duty when november’s attacks stroke. The hall of the hotel, where I was serving, was full of thousands of guests and some of them had lost a friend in concert hall « Bataclan ». Too much to handle for a little creature of the Universe, like me.

Our duty, my team leader told me, was to take care of the guests and their needs were priority. My hands were shacking and couldn’t make a sense of what was happening, so that I called my mother to say « It’s alright, Mum, I am okay ». In those morning hours I felt like I was experiencing a hospital battle camp. A lady firefighter told me about the girl who lost her friend, and a few minutes beside that, a guest, a spanish lady, breaks down to tears because her vacation was fucked up. How can you not go insane?

« Life is simple » a doctor of Occupational Medicine told me once, while signing for a sick leave between two temporary missions in the administration. « Something has broken ». He was refering to me and my Management. In fact, although my Manager in duty was pushing me to get back to my service at front desk, in order to boost my reaction, in a positive way, a part of me was struggling to avoid to go back, as Self preservation.

Back to 1918.

One century ago, in his office, Sigmund Freud meets the soldiers back from the war front, and he detects war neurosis or shell shock due to no-stop artillery bombing in the trenches. Men loose control of their senses, from speech to blindness, they can’t explain what they are experiencing, or want to see that hell anymore. They also develop paraplegia. Personally, I was in shock by seeing old pictures, in black and white, with soldiers hands on the ground. The Italian cinema shows a scene in the movie « The Great War » by Monicelli which shows comedien Alberto Sordi getting scared from seeing a « lost hand » in the trench. « What is that ? » he says. Italians showed to the world how to treat delicate stuff with humour, but still great poetry and humanity. Think about Roberto Benigni and « Life is beautiful » which won the Oscar touching such a topic with great bravery though respect. Humour in this case is meant to put a distance between our mind and horrific reality, as a shield or a filter of what would make you getting mad.

But WWI wasn’t just an Italian affair, of course, and we can see Germans against French on the western front in the movie « All quiet on the western front » from original book « Im Western nichts Neues » by Erich Maria Remarque, 1930. And eastern front, between Russia and Poland, when Austria – Hungary invades this territory. Personally, I have been in Mount Sabotino trenches, and mountains on the Carso, in Northern Italy where Ernest Hemingway has served and was wounded by a german artillery shell. 

In his own words, “There was one of those big noises you sometimes hear at the front. I died then. I felt my soul or something coming right out of my body, like you’d pull a silk handkerchief out of a pocket by one corner. It flew all around and then came back and went in again and I wasn’t dead any more.”

Hemingway’s wounding along the Piave River in Italy and his subsequent recovery at a hospital in Milan, including the relationship with his nurse Agnes von Kurowsky, all inspired his great novel A Farewell To Arm. His story “Soldier’s Home” conveys his feelings of frustration and shame upon returning home to a town and to parents who still had a romantic notion of war and who didn’t understand the psychological impact the war had had on their son.

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Shame and guilt.

In 1914, the contemporary scientists and medicine men are involved in the War, and ethically challenged. The therapy has the target to get soldiers back to combat and not to rehabilitate them. Psychoterapy is at the starting blocks and Freud, with his collaborators, mark a milestone in the human psyche’s understanding. Mental health starts to be recognised as apart from physical health.

First, what leads to modern PTSD, it’s recognising that an external event, like a shock, can damage the man’s mind, though brave, courageous and rational human being. Finally, sensitive officers can break down, after sending their men one by one to die under enemy fire to gain an uncovered lookout point. The risk to be seen as weak or wimpy was limited to a manlike system which still perdured in the military discipline. Big boys don’t cry, right ?

Second, not only there’s an enemy out there, but according to the german Psychologist, the real enemy is inside. There are the Peace Self and the Warrior Self, and second is one to watch out, the one who wants you to sacrifice and takes pleasure from it. Soldiers finally realize that they are going to loose their lives and it doesn’t make any sense any more. Their Peace Self wants to live and go home to their families. Many officers are just « boys ».

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Shot at dawn.

During WWI, shell shock is also a way to escape from the frontline battles. Sometimes, at the cost of your own life. The officers in charge of their command are often so greedy and vanish to execute their soldiers who couldn’t or wouldn’t face the bombing anymore. The sentence states cowardice. The case of Harry Farr and Jimmy Smith, to mention just a couple of these young heroes, speaks out loud. After Somme, Gallipoli and other bloody battles, they just couldn’t take it anymore. In case, shell shock victims were supposed to be commuted by the martial court. Not in that instance. They were put a blindfold to cover their eyes, cognac from the evening before, and a round of paper on their heart to mark the target. « What a way to get leave. » Wait, Private Farr, refused the blindfold, actually. And I spare other details in deep respect of those who left, and also the ones who « gained the leave » for shooting to their camerades. Pardon was given in 2006 by British Governement, to those who deserted and were executed at dawn. Will the others ever forgive them selves ?

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Inner Self.

Isn’t that a sort of « karma » ? Well, I mean, shell shock today is haunting our minds as cultural heritage and stigma makes it hard for anyone to take a sick leave, at work, just to have a rest, saying no to team leaders or managers when the task is simply too tough and we are running out of time and co-staff. The Peace Self says it clearly that we can’t take it no more, but the War Self forces us to sacrifice for the good cause. We fear to loose our job and the boss confidence, while in the meantime nobody is taking care of your healthy conditions at workplace. Sometimes we live again that nightmare of those who left their heart in a foreign trench. « Who is the real enemy ? » Listen to the inner voice, the Wise Men say, and you will get it.

 

Check out The Awareness Games.

My personal creative project about Psychology for Beginners dealing with Emotional Intelligence and Life Challenges.

Repression of War Experience. A poem by Siegfried Sasson.

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Now light the candles; one; two; there’s a moth;
What silly beggars they are to blunder in
And scorch their wings with glory, liquid flame—
No, no, not that,—it’s bad to think of war,
When thoughts you’ve gagged all day come back to scare you;
And it’s been proved that soldiers don’t go mad
Unless they lose control of ugly thoughts
That drive them out to jabber among the trees.
Now light your pipe; look, what a steady hand.
Draw a deep breath; stop thinking; count fifteen,
And you’re as right as rain …
                                                       Why won’t it rain? …
I wish there’d be a thunder-storm to-night,
With bucketsful of water to sluice the dark,
And make the roses hang their dripping heads.
Books; what a jolly company they are,
Standing so quiet and patient on their shelves,
Dressed in dim brown, and black, and white, and green,
And every kind of colour. Which will you read?
Come on; O do read something; they’re so wise.
I tell you all the wisdom of the world
Is waiting for you on those shelves; and yet
You sit and gnaw your nails, and let your pipe out,
And listen to the silence: on the ceiling
There’s one big, dizzy moth that bumps and flutters;
And in the breathless air outside the house
The garden waits for something that delays.
There must be crowds of ghosts among the trees,—
Not people killed in battle,—they’re in France,—
But horrible shapes in shrouds–old men who died
Slow, natural deaths,—old men with ugly souls,
Who wore their bodies out with nasty sins.
                         *          *          *
You’re quiet and peaceful, summering safe at home;
You’d never think there was a bloody war on! …
O yes, you would … why, you can hear the guns.
Hark! Thud, thud, thud,—quite soft … they never cease—
Those whispering guns—O Christ, I want to go out
And screech at them to stop—I’m going crazy;
I’m going stark, staring mad because of the guns.

 

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Shell Shock? Not sure. But I would hug all of them, right now.

Next Mission: PTSD at home. Veterans breaking the Silence.

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Actually, I am living this situation at work. Yes, I am the weak link.  And yes, I was the first and only one to break the silence. So, what?

Do you know the story of someone who is sitting on the edge of the river waiting for his dead enemy’s body passing by?

Image result for chinese proverb quote enemy

Seriously, it took me 1 month and a half to take an appointment with a psychologist after my burn out. Sometimes it’s life or death.

***

“ah, post traumatic stress disorders, what a wimp, the weak link and then, you are not promoted anymore, you are not going on the next tour ….”

“So, how do you save your self?”

First step, you come forward and admit you have a problem;

second step, finding the right people to listen to your concern and be able to point out the right direction to get the help you need;

step three, finding the right therapy; either a pills prescription or whatever.

“Delay, deny and die.”

8 Keys to Build Up Your Resilience. Coping with PTSD. Author: Me :)

Hi, I am the author of my new baby born book titled « PTSD Beautiful Trauma », a memoir of my journey coping with PTSD, after Paris attacks (2015-2016). My workplace was involved in both attacks, January and November. After Charlie Hebdo’s board office’s attack and the printing house’s owner held hostage my hotel was the theater …

Source: 8 Keys to Build Up Your Resilience

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Don McLean about Vincent: “I had to argue he wasn’t crazy.” Mental Health Awareness Month.

Image result for vincent van gogh portrait

 

In the autumn of 1970 I had a job singing in the school system, playing my guitar in classrooms,” he says.

“I was sitting on the veranda one morning, reading a biography of Van Gogh, and suddenly I knew I had to write a song arguing that he wasn’t crazy.

He had an illness and so did his brother Theo. This makes it different, in my mind, to the garden variety of ‘crazy’ – because he was rejected by a woman [as was commonly thought].

So I sat down with a print of Starry Night and wrote the lyrics out on a paper bag.”

With its bittersweet palette of major and minor chords, Vincent’s soothing melody is one of high emotion recollected in tranquillity.

The lyrical list of colours – the “swirling clouds in violet haze”, the eyes of “China blue” the “snowy linen land” – evoke a mental slide show of the artist’s work.

Don McLean

with courtesy of The Telegraph

Starry, Starry  Night
“And now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they’ll listen now.”
Don McLean
This painting has got great meaning for me, it is the view from the east-facing window of his asylum room at Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, near Arles, South France. Van Gogh was a beautiful march Aries just like me, and he is depicting the constellation of aries in the shape of a scalene triangle. Great empathy. I wish I would have met this great revolutionary Maestro of art painting in my life.

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Canadian Army Vet’s Story: Ron and Ryan Anderson’s PTSD treatment and homecoming.

This article may hurt the Sensibility of someone; mine, for sure, but this is my duty here.

So, I let you check details of the painful homecoming of this two brothers, back from their last tours in combat zone ( Afghanistan, the last ) and no more capable to deal with a normal family life.

My deeper Compassion and higher Respect go to the whole Family of these guys like they were my own brothers.

By the way, my work here is not a campaign against pills, right?, I won’t take the risk to go against any Big Pharma here, ok? Fuck them, that’s a fact. New York Times staff knows what they do and denounce, but I am Nobody, and I am really not interested in doing any fights against nobody.

What I can do, here, is merely reporting facts and stories, to take example from as well as mine, of course. Many of WP readers just throw up words from nowhere, sorry, because they feel relief with doing it. That’s ok. Do it. The fact I put on my beautiful face, here, it means that I am taking the Responsability of my Words and Actions. And that I am ready to talk about all this mess, and shit, in a public domain like internet or anywhere else, anytime.

Pills took a part of my life and memory, when I was in my 20s. But Nineties are gone, now. Remember how Depression was treated in 50s like Ernest Hemingway. Lobotomia was practiced as cure and therapy. Electroshock, … yes, indeed.

We have turned the century, so, there is no more reason to treat Mental Health with chemicals, guys ! Sure, I know it’s tough, cos I’ve been there, but you are not alone. And I can just suppose that pressure in a military family is very high as well as feelings like Shame and Guilty. Forget the sense of Honour; you did your best, that’s fine, now focus on your Life after combat and your Wellbeing. You do deserve it. Paragraph.

What you can do with your silver cross medals, now?

The first step, really, the hardest one to do is taking this fuc*** First Step and Talk about it and ask for help to someone who is not JUDGEMENTAL. YOU CHOOSE WHO and WHICH PHONE NUMBER. I did it. And things went better and better.

Gotta say that. Done.

***

Ok, I’ll leave you with the link to the full article right here. And bless you, both, Ron and Ryan’s spirits. I wish that if there are other guys like you, they will take the chance to talk about their anger outbursts, lack of control, depressive thoughts and negative stuff with the right person, Right Now.

You won’t do it for YOU? Ok, do it for your Mother, or your Dog. Do it for next Sunset, or Sunrise, that you will enjoy, within your Heart.

Do it for your Self, not your Ego.

The Anderson’s expect that something is done by the governements or the system for preventing suicide. Don’t wait until anything is done from The Outside, darling, pray that something is done from The Inside.

“Knock that door.”

Luv

xx