Back for good.

Hi Crew.

** It’s reunion time here.** 

Did you have a good year? or did you feel abandoned?

This come back sounds pretty good to me, since I have a new Restart.

First, I want you to **congratulate** with me:)

If you read through my storytelling :

  • in 2015 went through these Paris attacks ( aftermath of a long term stress disorder )
  • panic attacks and anxiety manifestation ( 6 months later my fucking fake alert )
  • declared unfit to previous job ( hotel assistant )
  • had to retrain for a different service
  • got validation – after 3 years – for the present job ( admin )

Lost :

  • all meaningful relationships
  • my team/community
  • long term job security
  • sense of confidence
  • sense of safety
  • physical and mental health
  • key project for my future job career
  • lots of time in toxic relationships, plus some sort of addictions like shopping on the internet to compensate my frustration, too much coffee, rosé wine, and cigarettes yock

What I was planning before that I got my present job validation:

  • quitting any hope for a better future ( shall I feel that way forever? will I get a handicap card? and stigma? )
  • going back home ( what for? oups, no idea )
  • depression and more anxiety

What helped me to hold on and keep it up:

  • a few, true friends
  • a Second Book on the way

Not bad for a restart, right ?

 

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Dragon Fly is a symbol for Transformation.

What I am planning to do now :

  • reorganise the good job done on this website (a bit naïve, but honest and original)
  • improve my language skills (**it’s on your mind**)
  • add some podcast (use my voice, so you’ll get my nice accent and poetry reading)
  • start a mindfulness program on a 8 weeks bases **for free**

Oh well, my look is quite changed, as much as my inner transformation and will put a few photos which will shock you, hopefully, in a good way:)

Give away as much more stuff as I can, and I hope, that you will enjoy.

I won’t be perhaps that regular that you (and google ads) will expect, but I am still busy on writing, and this book will deserve my priority quality time ( days off work ).

When I have started this blogging, I was under construction and each day was a challenge… will I do it ? Will I ever take my long term job back? Will I return to home at mum and dad in Italy ? Doing what ? ( same small life that I was eager to quit before ? where people are scared cos now I’ve got a cosmopolitan background? )

This 2019 took my cherished Aunt away after lungs cancer; and few more losses among friends ( very bad incident and leucemia ).

I thought : « Life hasn’t finished with me » and I am here to reply « Then, I haven’t finish with life ». Right ?

This work is re-open on 13th November 20194 years later the **Parisian apocalypse**. Despite, I am not here for promoting kind of pity for terrorist victims, and please, don’t get me wrong, I have cried rivers in those days, and as a survivor, all my life went through a huge, long dark night through everyday ordeals, until Now.

Though, I am not here to say : “poor me, poor you”. We don’t need that. Right?

All time I’m spending with you, sharing what made a difference in my journey, is a **present** to any of you who really want to restart and live again – with dignity – after any sort of trauma.

** attention, please **

This is not any suicidal help line. I am not qualified as a pro caregiver would be.

***

But I can be the one who inspires and give a new sparkle to whom went through same exhaustion which is technically named « burn out », « break down » … or in my own words, « holy shit ».

V sign for Victory

V Sign for Victory.

My last books authors include mystics turned into psychologists and psychiatrists renowned for elite sport mind management; anger, fear and such topic as death will be put on the table.

It took me 45 years to feel any sort of self CONFIDENCE, self WORTH or self ESTEEM. But stop it, you can’t be so DUMB all life long. Life is calling, …. or you grow, NOW, or you stagn and die. That’s like anything in nature does on this Earth.

** publishing soon? fingers crossed **

When I first choose to write this website in English, I did it because it helps me to put a distance, and I am quite happy about this decision. I will also do some poetry reading, humbled, yet, thrilled cos I found this poet, in Great Britain, who’s been on a long journey and I will share his story with you, by his agreement. He’s been a 35 years long Army Aircops pilot, medically retired due to PTSD and today he is blessing his audience with outstanding words to share his feelings.

My first book was self published, as a memoir, in my first language. Thou its value is really personal. That journaling was incredibly my banister to hold me tight, when nothing else did. Since then, I hopefully did some progress with my writing skills; and, for sure, I will put all the references for the magic books I found and read, or half read, on the Path. So that you can get more information on Mental health, and eventually improve your Mind management.

Dunno what is your job, or where you were born and live today, if you come from Ego, Insecurity and Emotion you are more than Welcome into my World.

This has been my wasted land until recently, so I wish you all **Good luck, heros**

Keep as hard as a rock;)

Yours truely, Parisian Sparkle x

 

Subconjunctival Hemorrhage. Or blood burst of the Mind.

Stress, here we go again, I woke up in the morning, and after my gums infections, I got this red eye, or burst blood, on my left eye.

Doctors say it’s nothing at all, blood pressure is fine and I am having all my vitamins.

Ok, I left the blog behind for a week, cos I am muting service. Since it’s not terrific, never mind, I had the chance to come back to the previous service. And it’s still temporary. My HR assistant is still not understanding which are my priorities, furthermore if I reject any missions I am fired.

Occupational medicine is supporting me, so I took this rendez vous with my actual doctor, and he did what it was needed to do. We’ll see how things evolve, in the mean time, I am preparing my italian CV and see what I can do to create this nice, peaceful and meaningful picture called …future.

Btw, broken blood finally shows what’s going on INSIDE of My Heart. It’s nothing at all, doctor says, it will reabsorb and heal it self. Alright. Heart can heal it self, too. With a bunch of Self Love, of course.

Yeah, eyes are the window of our Soul. Did you know?

xx

Park Slope Eye

You were having a great day until someone looked at you and said “Oh my god! Your eye is bleeding!” You head to the mirror and you are taken back at what you see. Your eye wasn’t bothering you but you are stunned to see the normally white part of you eye is bright red. You can’t recall anything happening to your eye, it doesn’t hurt and your vision seems to be fine as well. The good news is that this is typically something that looks way worse than what it really is. This frightfully appearing condition is most likely to be diagnosed as a subconjunctival hemorrhage, a broken blood vessel.

When a tiny blood vessel breaks just underneath the clear cellophane like layer of your eye (conjunctiva), the trapped blood spreads out quickly, leaving you with a grossly red eye. This is the equivalent of a broken blood vessel…

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