Resilience is the Capacity to Adapt to Difficult Change.

  • Resistance is a measure of the opposition to current flow in an electrical circuit.

  • Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness; the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

 

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Giving up vs Surrender.

Here are some of the most emotional movies I have ever seen on the TV screen. Stephen King strikes. Despite I feel ashamed not to have read all of his best of. And despite my welsh airman friend would laugh at me, and say swear words in Italian against me, because to him King is just an amateur of horror. He’s more into Lovercraft.

At 16 years old, not only I have started penpalling, but I subscribed all kind of no profit associations which helped to recomfort prisoners. One was Italian, a fan of comics, blond and cute, I can’t remember why he was inmate, lost contact quite soon; I feared he was released and stalk me. Then, this man from Pennsylvania, math teacher, whose sentence was quite heavy, but tried to engage in social life of the correctional system, and wrote a book. He called me Sioux Princess, and wrote to me very long and inspiring letters. Now, this other american teacher, who will spend 23 years in jail, no kidding. Except this last one reached me by International Pen Friends, a friendship association, based in Australia. People who love snail mail are more than welcome. Yes, it still exists.

Where does this empathy for prisoners come from? Perhaps, I finally got it. Do you believe in karma? If so, check your twelve house. I recently found out that Saturn, in my chart, is in the 12th house and means alot of things. It explains me my connection with prisons, hospitals, rehab and monasteries. Spiritual practice and yoga discipline. Dealing with loneliness despite of aloneness. It all started somewhere, and somehow …

Overcoming Confusion and fear of being nothing or nobody; the lure of escaping through drugs, alcohol or a life of fantasy; sense of spiritual isolation; resistance to letting go of trappings of identity.

Encouragement Releasing the temporal for the eternal; a spiritual practice; strong sense of deep service; direct engagement with spirit.

A big theme here is taking responsibility (Saturn) for your own spiritual direction. And in the Twelfth House, the lessons are about the art of surrender.

In her book, Intuitive Astrology, Elizabeth Rose Campbell writes, “One of the biggest challenges of the twelfth house, ruled by Pisces and the planet Neptune, is understanding the difference between giving up and surrendering. Giving up is an abandonment of one’s center and capacity to respond. With that abandonment comes a loss of instinct. To surrender to a circumstance, even a difficult one, is a different dance entirely. You must retain self love and self respect through the surrender.”

Btw, freedom is one of my greatest goal and achievement in this lifetime. You can bet it.

John Coffey: “I’m tired, Boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as sparrow in the rain. I’m tired of never having a buddy to be with, to tell me where we’re going to, coming from or why. Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other”.

Ellis Boy “Red” Redding: I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I? don’t wanna know. I would like to think they were singing about some thing was so beautiful it cant be expressed in words and make your heart ache because of it.I tell you this voice soared higher and farther than anybody in a Gray place dares to dream it is like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away. For the briefest moment every last man in Shawshank felt free.

 

Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Good Morning you all,

in my last days off work, I ‘ve decided to wake up, cosy and lazy, totally no hurry, and take a breakfast in bed.  Weather is still cold and snowy out there. Not only in France, but also in Italy, Wales and Canada. Wherever I have peers and friends, it’s white …

Don’t you find snow zen like?  It compells people to go slower, be careful on the way you march in, the shoes you choose, the way you drive. Being aware of what usually you are not taking the time to. Like breathing. Can you just take a moment to deeply breath the fresh air and just stare all around? And feel grateful to own a cosy apart where to cocoon in weekend days? or in the evening before sleeping?

When you feel alone, think of whom are outside, struggling with tough conditions and go and take a warm shower. It is divine.

I’ll suggest a good dessert or smooth, spicy hot wine, if it stays reasonable, and you are ok with your body, and watch one of these long lasting cult movies, that you will certainly hire with a license in a rental shop, …  or listen to this fab cello duo from Croatia, which I find absolutely CRAZY and AMAZING. You won’t think to classical music the same than before.

Enjoy your day.

Still I Rise.

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You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

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Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya-Angelou-quotes-Amazing

Emotional Pride vs Memory pill.

ideesWhat stand emotions for ? Why can they be negative, and not only positive, and how can we better manage the negative ones ? Especially, after burn out, or trauma ? Do we feel the same at same level? Of course, we don’t. Since we are unique beings. Unique hearts and minds.

As unaware empath and higher sensitive person, I struggled to gain emotional balance all my life. In forty three years, I have been thinking : « This is my fault. I am not strong enough. I won’t ever fit in the box »

To be honest, fitting that box, the more I try, the more I fail. When you come up to be forty, and you knoe that you are not a girl anymore, and still don’t feel elderly either, finding harmony within becomes a priority. You get to be aligned between your mind and heart. Emotion is the connection between feelings and thoughts. When you feel sad, angry, joyful, stressed out, sit down, reconnect with your breathing, and listen.

What that emotion is telling you ? Stay with that feeling, …

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A few days ago, I found this french-canadian project called « Paris Mem », which invite victims from Paris attacks, or family members, to start a therapy with this pill which erases short-term memory. The pill is already used in anxiety therapies, and the purpose is to delete negative emotions from your brain.

For sure, pain of loss and terrible souvenirs do influence your life, and choices. But do you really think that « the quicker the better » ? If emotions are there to connect our selves with our true Self, and others, what about putting them off ?

Ever heard of risks of alienating ? And schizofrenia ? If you separate your inner Self from mind control, what will you become ? Are you sure is that quicker ?

« Waking up » from my anxiety medical treatment took me less than my doctors believed. And still, I feel lucky. In mid 90s, the neuropsychiatry said to my mother that in order to regain my memory back from treatment, it would take twenty years.

What if … what if, I started my psychoterapy at age of 21? what if, I became aware of being a higher sensitive person, and taking responsability of my being an artist. Or, at least, start improving my skills, and believe in Me. What If, I took actions alone, and not under the influence of an over controlling, loving, motherhood. Love you, mom, but perhaps tourism wasn’t the best option for me. And it’s time, now, to drive on my own.

Today, I am leaving a job, because of my medical restrictions, which include dealing with massive public and conflicts management ; in a few words, avoiding stressful situations with guests relations. Me, overwhelmed ? Yes, so what, from now on?

Btw, when I affirm that my healing process started with meeting Native Americans, I really mean it. My friend’s father, Leon Goodstriker, was a reputed Medicine Man from Canadian Blackfoot Indian Reservation. Rufus and George came to Italy for giving speeches in bio conferences ; George was recovering from alcohol addiction, as many Native Americans, unfortunately. He inspired me so much. Nineties were the ideal time for Indian Americans to cross overseas and come teach their culture to Wasicu, the whitemen. Some of them did it only for money. A sort of historical revenge, but a few whom I was honoured to meet, became friends for life. And still are.

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Rufus, didn’t do anything special to me, we just discussed, and I guess he capted me. The kind of person who can feel you. Or perhaps can read your aura. He just smiled at me, and had a good laugh. I was kind of surprised, because I didn’t expect them to be so hilarious and holding that huge sense of humour. Like we could laugh about anything, especially life and death. I mean, we struggle to live and then, we die. Aint’it worth a fabulous laugh ? His face is very expressive, and peaceful. His son, Leon, who is school bus driver, in Edmonton, today, and played a good role in Last of the Mohicans, remind me of that great figure of his Father. And make me smile.

Isn’t that a great start for healing ? I mean, laughing. It is. It helps putting a distance between you and the past events you have been through. It helps regulating your heart breathing, and it puts happiness hormones at work ( oxitine ).

What about feeling numb, now ? How can you find a purpose to your struggle, if you delete negative emotions like pain, anger, sadness ? What about personal growth, life questioning, and karmic debt ? What if these experiences, that we have been through, were necessary to our own Soul Progress?

« Karmic debt refers to the amount and type of experiences the individual must go through or endure, to explore his own beliefs of separation as well as emotions and feelings caused by them, in order to ultimately resolve them into spiritual truths and healing. Karma is always negative and heavy. »