If you agree, we – as human beings – were born to be a whole, balanced, and strongindividuals. Greek philosophers, and physicians, say that the natural state of things is calm and, sophrology – the science that studies the Consciousness – promotes body, mind and spirit harmony (SOS = free from diseases, balances. PHREN = diaphragm, emotional heart and by extension, spirit, conscience. LOGOS = Science, study, speech).
So, naturally, PTSD occur as a consequence of a lack of it. The fact is that you don’t realize at which cost, until your life becomes a mess, when you finally admit that something has broken, and you need help to fix it. It can be a physical wound, or invisible, when it concerns heart and soul, or if you are blessed enough, as brits would say, both.
Before 2015, I used to practice Yoga, once a week, basically to keep healthy, in a good shape and mood, it was relaxing, and I could fully stretch my body, especially my neck, happily turning 40.
After the 2015 events (january and november), I got completely unbalanced, both emotionally, and physically, put on weight, panic attacks, anger outbursts, no way to do my job anymore, like dealing with typical visitors problem solving (e.g. lost baggages, fully booked restaurants,..), or simply baring mood swings of my bipolar colleague. As soon as someone started crying or yelling for any reason, my self defense felt in danger (“that freeze, fly or fight thing”).
In february 2016, I was diagnosed obviously inadequate to my position, until today.
For the short storytime, I knew panic and fear on a terrorist attack at workplace and PTSD soon started with insomnia, poor emotional intelligence like Hulk’s syndrome, inability to put words on my own feelings, anxiety and fear of going crazy, exhaustion and chronique fatigue disease, after sleep burn out, tremors (mouth, legs, hands), tachycardia, and memory loss, just to mention a few. Others symptoms you can’t just describe, like a sort of electrochemical pinching in your veins, especially in legs, or warmth flames in the back, which give you the right sense of burning inside.
“A short circuit of your soul.”
It goes without saying, my health was severely damaged, as you know stress is quite dangerous for neurons, once they are gone, they don’t regenerate, so you start aging earlier, that’s also why, today, it’s not so rare to see stress effects in people who suffer Alzheimer’s syndrom much younger than 60, or stroke and heartattack victims.
By the way, I lost three colleagues between 27 and 43, in 5 months, does it count for stress disorders statistiques? Of course, it doesn’t, except if you can prove it. And you can’t. Occupational joke between Medicine and Managament states that it’s confidential.
During my journey, back from burn out, I have been told several times that this is the illness of the strong. And this is one of the main reasons why I feel a proud trauma survivor, today. Of course, you have to consider a deep cleaning of your personal life, as well as a full transformation of your jobcareer and lifestyle.
You can’t figure out coping with PTSD and holding on the same life schedule than before trauma. It involves stop overthinking, letting go, and modulating negative emotional responses compared with the healthy controls.
“You need some yoga in your life.”
Yoga practice really made a difference for me. It brought “justice” to my body and mind, especially since I am doing it regularly, almost everyday.
Check out Ted Nevins’s story “a soldier’s surprising journey to becoming a yogi” on the following: Warrior Spirit Retreat
Thanks to a welsh penpal, and army brit, nicknamed Salad Dodger, my attention was caught by an association for Combat Stress, and reading an article I was quite shocked, because some of my burn out symptoms were perfectly matching with war vets PTSD, after battlefield.
This study led me to another article written from the american journalist, Sebastian Junger, published by Vanity Fair, who experienced PTSD on his way back from Afghanistan, where he spent 15 months on a mission with a Battle Company.
“Sometimes, we ask ourselves if we can save the vets, I think the real question is if we can save ourselves.”
To resume up, PTSD symptoms can be:
- Irritability and outbursts of anger
- Suicidal thoughts and suicide
- Alcohol misuse and dependence
- Sexual problems and confusion about sexuality
- Eating disorders
- Self-injury and self-harming behaviour
- Transient psychotic episodes
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Dissociative Identity Disorder
- Somatisation – Emotional distress experienced as physical pain
- Increased rates of physical conditions like heart disease and cancer
- Homelessness Re-victimisation Prostitution
- Criminal behaviour (including, for a small minority, sexual offences)
- Low self-esteem
- Lack of confidence
- Sleep problems
- Parenting problems
- Relationship problems
- Trust issues
via What’s PTSD?
Hi dear, I just went through your blog article about bullying and I feel like I want to say something. Bullying in the 80s, in Italy, at school? Once, I remember I had a fight against 4 school mates who wanted to beat me, and I reacted so violently that I could gain their respect. Btw I was such a tomboy, and I couldn’t simply accept that my mates would try to hurt me, for real. They were just playing, right? Were they?
Self-harm and mental illness came in my early twenties, too. Forget about talking to anyone. In 1994, internet wasn’t still developed, it arrived only in 1996-7. There was no means to learn about it, except in tv series, or rehab centers. The first time I heard about eating disorders, for example, it was in “Fame” tv show. A few years after my despair, I found my self in a hospital to pay a visit to a school friend, same than minute 8″, in the following video. Same exact situation.
But, please, don’t put weight issue at first place on eating disorders scale. It goes so far deep inside, there is a 10 per cent of body self image, and the rest is related to perfectionism, and control, or parents relationships, self worth and self esteem issues. You really go through hell on earth, like a drug addicted. Food, calories, obsessions start from the first minute of your day until the very last minute. Social happenings like a pizza party, become a torture. Go away. You start lying to your self, and your friends, all of your peers (my mother used to invite cousins for a lunch on sundays and I hated it, I had to explain why I was eating just a mozzarella, instead of lasagne and tiramisu’ and I didn’t need to loose weight). Anorexia wasn’t worse for me, binge/bulimia was the worse. In fact, I didn’t loose so much weight as I would wish, and that explains why the Mental Health Center rejected me. Yes, because I wasn’t skinny enough. Honestly, if I look backward I feel so much relief because the two guys, brothers, who live in front of my parents home, still today, were accepted and got medical treatment, and no one of them could recover from their mental illness, until today.
Ok, James, I did my part, sorry, I will add plus details another time. Thank you for sharing. And go, get your memory published soon.
This is perhaps the most important topic I have covered on The Bipolar Writer blog. It is also the most talked about, and today as I write some new posts for the remainder of the week, I wanted to repost thing blog post, because there has been so much feedback posted on this post. I […]