“Fear and Deep Relaxation Exercise”. Thich Nhat Hahn.

Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Since I find it hard to find time to stop and read a book, I decided to do it and share more relevant parts with you. “Fear” by Thich Nhat Hanh was one of the books on the list.

My podcasts are now on the You Tube Channel. To spare your time, you can seek for “Coping with PTSD Beautiful Trauma” and you will find me.

Merry Xmas.

How can an Empath heal from trauma.

Empathy: Feat. Alanis Morissette.

Vera Lynn “Forces Sweetheart” ( age 102 ).

This morning I wake up and got surprised listening on my Spotify Playlist this song “It’s hard to say Goodbye”. How did it happen? I mean, I’ve put some classic oldies goldies from “Joker’s Soundtrack” and now I find my self listening these ladies from 40’s and 50’s. Okay. This gives me an idea for my Sunday Podcast, and perhaps it will be a good excuse for some lovely watercolor.

Can I tell Vera, that today any of the ladies who are tchit tchating on the dating online with servicesmen feel a little bit like the Forces Sweetheart. Oh, well… not exactly all of them:)

Your boys, Vera, are our boys.

Dame Vera Lynn was born in London. She was known as the “Forces Sweetheart” during WW2. Her songs “We’ll Meet Again” and “White Cliffs of Dover” were hugely popular during the war-time period.

Dame Vera often referred to British troops as ‘her boys’, a relationship which has created the backbone for most of her charity work. ‘Help for Forgotten Allies’, one of her main charities, gives grants to the widows of Burmese soldiers who fought in the Burma campaign during the Second World War.

Vera Lynn spent several weeks entertaining troops in Burma, now known as Myanmar.

Two years ago, Dame Vera Lynn broke her own record to become the oldest person to release a new album. ‘Vera Lynn 100’ featured other top British singers including Alfie Boe, Alexander Armstrong and Aled Jones.

Vera Lynn 100

Some of Dame Vera’s best-known songs have been re-orchestrated for the album with her original vocals. Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart, which saw her become the first British singer to reach the top of the US Official Charts in 1952, also appears on the record. The singer said:

“It’s truly humbling that people still enjoy these songs from so many years ago, reliving the emotions of that time – I was after all just doing my job as a singer – and it’s so wonderful for me to hear my songs again so beautifully presented in a completely new way.”


The Awareness Games

Be the hero/heroin of your Story.

All comics with courtesy of Tom King and Clay Mann from stunning art work “Heroes in Crisis” (2018).

The Awareness Games – Psychology for Beginners.

Tonight I am proudly publishing my first very creative project on Emotional Intelligence. Psychology is like Spiritual Alchemy and it can transform our story in a hero/heroin’s journey. So, let’s take this adventure together!

Story Time

The idea was caught together with Andreas, UK navy led reserve, sport coach and cheerful half ukranien/half british friend met on the website Forces Pen Pals. He replied my brave forum message on Remembrance Day (11/11) on PTSD – topic Guilt and Shame. His story follows here with his agreement, of course:)

I have seen a counselor (talking therapy), then also had CBT, and also sports psychologist based on CBT. They have been helpful. I learnt some skills. Although I still didn’t find it all as effective. I did change but I still would struggle. I would read and watch videos etc myself, a lot. I am talking for a period of about 4yrs. I had about 40hrs of counselling from specialists. Still the biggest change and hit came only resent when I started to understand more of what I actually can do with my emotions. I connected the dots. For some reason no one could explain me in detail such things. Nothing new. And not that I never had heard of it.. Basically, it was allowing my shame to be shame and not suppress it. Kinda weird. But it had a profound effect on my anxiety.

My PTSD is not mission related. I haven’t been on any, yet. I am a reservist. I had(have?) early childhood PTSD. It went uncovered until recent years. I went through depression and low moods for years. To top that off my flatmate a couple years ago became alcoholic and his behaviour hit me very hard. That’s when I reached out because it was not going anywhere. Now that I am well recovered I have gained a personality that I couldn’t quite have all my life because I was only a 3-4yr old when that embrace and growth was taken away of me.


No, No, I didn’t run… I… FLEW.

You know, regarding the shame. There is loads on it out there but not a lot that’s written sensibly. And advice is not always very helpful at all. It’s the emotion that keeps us down for a while after we have done something wrong so that we wouldn’t be kicked out from our social group so we can reflect on ourselves. Well, that’s good until we get stuck in shame and it doesn’t stop, and we get shamed by somebody who doesn’t know any better. So, when I see myself struggling or doing some bad(perhaps even nothing to do with me but somehow I attributed it to me) I would feel shame and embarrassment for not controlling it, allowing it to happen etc. It would just eat me away.


You are! Right now. You, You! You.

Normally (whatever that means), shame is a useful emotion because it does help us evaluate ourselves. Too much and too often of it breaks us. I think with the servicemen it’s the intensity of the trauma, the time spent with the trauma, (toxic?) masculine/stoic environment, and poor emotional coping skills. They can’t just withdraw from their circumstances. However and apparently, servicemen are not more likely to suffer with mental health than civvies… A research done in British Armed Forces. I suppose the intensity is greater, like I mentioned. So it might down to the individual’s skill set that allows somebody to shake the bad off or succumb. Is coming back from a war into an environment that treats one with a contempt might be a factor too. I think you yourself can testify that civvies can suffer and do suffer of horrendous effects of trauma. Yes, very much early childhood experience and parenting.

If we had come out strong and thoughtful and not just recovered by a chance. That’s how I would see living with emotions. I think the social paradigm doesn’t prepare us emotionally intelligent. We rather vaguely understand how what works and the manipulate each other to achieve some outcome. We really are habitual manipulators. We don’t recognize our emotions. That’s how we grow up. I was a wretch 🙂 I still was a good guy, keen, smart outwardly but my internal drives were nothing but screwed. It wasn’t all bad, of course. But I was running and I was bound to crash, and there was no safety net for me.. When I went to kindergarten the staff there were very shouty, angry, so for the little 3-4yr old it was a terror. It’s like what adults get in the military, that’s what I had then. It set the course for my life. 

Antonella Barberini
PTSD Beautiful Trauma
Web Editor, IPF Agent and Author

Guilt and Shame

Check out my beautiful art work on taboo topics like such.

Join the International Pen Friends Club? Snail Mail is alive

Well, I did it, I am now officially an IPF International Pen Friends agent. So it means two things: 1. I am old enough 2. I know what I am doing.

In my 16, there was no mail, neither internet, nor smart phones. If you wanted to connect people all over the world, you had to subscribe some penpalling association and I found mine.

In 2020, I will be celebrating my 30th anniversary with my first Pen Pal from Chicago. Our story is here. On my facebook, I have my very first pen friends from Germany, Netherlands and Iceland. The thing is that we passed our address on and by chance, we discovered that we were on same list, and we have been pen writing with same friends ever since.

Today, my american friend’s daughter asked to my german friends’ daughter to become pen pals. They are 9 and they are writing each other real letters. Although language might seem an obstacle, they manage very well. Ones origins are korean, and german, so she might be wanting to explore her origins directly. Maybe, one day when older enough to travel, they will meet in each other’s Country.

Me and my friend met in Paris after 22 years from our first mailing. Yeah, I am so grateful for that day spent together with her friends.

A few years ago, when feeling quite isolated here in the banlieue, I decided to take again that step. Subscribing a pen pal association in digital era. Weird? Yes. Guess what? a couple of friends made my day, really. One wrote me from San Francisco Bay Area, an executive almost on the hedge of burn out, who practiced zen meditation, and ruled an oldstyled printing factory, well, he wrote me with his Corona typewriter. This gave me the idea to buy an old typewriter on ebay and I still wonder how could ever Hemingway write his books with. My pen friend wrote me about how much he loved art and drawing and his mate would have loved to live a while in Florence to get class. Nice. I would love to see Frisco some day, as well.

Second, I met a prisoner from Chino, California, again. His story for another time. He taught me what’s an HSP and he was the first one in my life who told me that I probably was some. All stuff about Highly Sensitive on this website comes from our pen writing. I did write to prisoners, when younger, but didn’t expect to receive some letters from them. In the beginning, I got overwhelmed by his story. Now I am grateful. We might meet someday in a sunny day.

This is the letter form which is mostly used by the Agents of the IPF Club. If you don’t mind, I’m posting with my story. ps. I’ll get the Agent Pack in one month, from 20h january, that leaves me enough time to create my website and finish with my self help book. Will keep you up!

Dear Friend,

Have you ever considered that the greatest friend you may ever have could be someone you have never met, living in a land you have never seen?

International Pen Friends has over 300.000 members in 192 countries and we can provide you with new friends in your own age group from many places. International Pen Friends was established in 1967 and since that time we have processed over 2 million application forms. Our commitment and service has led to us being recognised as the greatest pen friend organisation in the world.

Writing Letters is Fun!

Today it is possible to reach into the hearts and homes of people in almost every country in the world. It is a unique and wonderful achievement to be able to learn how others live, to participate in their hobbies and interests and perhaps at a later date, to exchange visits with them and to share the joy of real lifelong friendship.

Despite the many forms of communication available today, it is interesting that the most common feedback we receive from our members is the enjoyment and fun they gain by receiving letters in the mail. It is hard to match the anticipation of waiting for letters to arrive and to see what treasures they contain this time.

Whether you are looking for a true friend, would like to improve your foreign language skills or develop your hobbies, International Pen Friends will provide you with many new, refreshing, exciting and interesting contacts.

We believe that international correspondence has a part to play in creating global harmony   —   maybe not a huge part, but still an important one.

Change your world today!

Yours Sincerely,

Antonella Barberini
PTSD Beautiful Trauma
Web Editor, IPF Agent and Author


Parisian Sparks of Inspiration.

It goes without saying, during my Journey, the assistance of Firefighters has been effective several times: anxiety, panic attacks and terror attacks. Once my Self Help book will be done, and translated (2020 is near), 10 per cent of my revenue will go to these guys and their families.



This book was suggested me by a Serviceman who is using this manual as program for Mind Management of his troops. Dr Steve Peters is a psychiatrist who has inspired Elite sport Gold Medal Champions like Victoria Pendleton and Liverpool Football Team in the UK. Personally, I was aware of Self Sabotage because of my inner wisdom led me to observe my self behaviour and noticed that I was doing that any time I was close to Success (school examens, sport achievement, any potential partner who reciprocated, job team talent… ). The avanguardist Prof is now telling us that it’s our brain who is dysfunctional and that’s okay. All we need is to become a Master of our Mind. As simple as that. Which probably guides us to Mindfulness alias Mind at its full Potential.


This man, the humanitarian Journalist, made a difference to me. At the time I met his book, I had read only one article which listed all PTSD and refered to combat stress. Revelation when I found his Vanity fair interview about his panic attack in New York back home from Afghanistan. Well, I respect his journalist activity, despite all the crap and slave journalism spreading today. His values about this alienated society where Vétérans miss war are deeply shared.

Sometimes we ask ourselves if we can save Veterans, but the real question is can we save ourselves?


Simply life-changing. Effective. Oh, well I couldn’t finish last pages, but eventually the first ten had already done the job. For the short story, I have kept reading it in the metro, one day at a time, one page at a time. You need to integrate concepts and this is a good exercise for those who Don’t read a book since ages. Tolle will explain you that. My fave quote : ‘We are not our thoughts.’ So what are we? Bestseller.


In 2016, during my deep rest, home from work, due to sleep burnout, as a consequence of PTSD and long term stress disorder, I borrowed this book from my mentor / my physician. He is a humanitarian Medecin sans Frontières and charming Monsieur who changed my life for the better. My soul is eternally grateful. And yes, Doctor, ladies who read are quite Dangerous.


Tom King is not only the Batman’s author, but also ex FBI agent in the Middle East. He conceived this Masterpiece to spread awareness on PTSD in 2018. He is one of my heroes. Enjoy the graphic. Story: Sanctuarium is the first rehab for superheros, where some mystery occurs. Harley Quinn is perhaps the rebel heroin who is not recovering well. When I found his work I thought “the times they are a changing”.


To be honest, I bought this book years ago, and couldn’t relate to it in the very beginning. Then, one day, I tried again, and I admit, it gave me some effective inspiration for my self help book. So, Carol, bless you. It wasn’t easy. First, try to figure out what an archetype is, then embrace your hero’s journey. Good luck.


When I was in it, I could only see the dark, and it’ been a long ride. Now in my mind all is clear. Personal growth requires challenges. No slight, no hero. Right? I liked this ex monk psychologist who humbly change perspective on so called depression and transition stages in life beyond labels. Rites of passage are much more speaking to me. To make it short, you need to prove your value in a Society, in order to gain your status in a Community. Primitive and ancient tribes did it all the time. We lost our roots and therefore we lost our consciousness that a dark night will make come out the best from you and put it at service of others. That’s what life is all about. This is how humanity shall work.

Conversations with God

Well, I admit that I watched the movie several times and can’t stop spreading word about it, especially to whom are diving deep in the abyss of a dark night. Perhaps a dialogue within your Self. Or accept that there is a force – much bigger than us – guiding you if you let her manifesting.

Guided Mindfulness Meditation.

A Complete Guided Mindfulness Meditation Program from Jon Kabat-Zinn Audio CD.


Each book is linked to Amazon.com

If you make a purchase Amazon will provide Parisian Sparkle with an itsy-bitsy royalty. 



„Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.“

— Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune ( 1941 )

Summer 2013

“When your reputation is broken, then you are set free”

an old german saying

WHITE ROOM ( 1965 )

This song is for a friend departed too fast and too soon. Psychedelic state of the mind. He was a dark angel. And he touched my life. He drank too much, he burnt too much and his back pain led him abusing of painkillers. Sure he was depressive, but aren’t we all here when the night is that dark and seem not to end anymore?

Ciao, Bello. Remember me in the fields of gold.

I’ll wait in this place where the sun never shines
Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves

You said no strings could secure you at the station
Platform ticket, restless diesels, goodbye windows

I walked into such a sad time at the station
As I walked out, felt my own need just beginning

I’ll wait in the queue when the trains come back Lie with you where the shadows run from themselves

Paris, Pigalle.

Dan Nevins, Iraq vet, and his message to Veterans about Yoga.

Thank you for your Service.

“Yoga? First I am a dude, second I am a soldier.”

Invited to NYC to talk to 9/11 families and firefighters for PTSD.

Dan Nevins is a professional speaker who has been inspiring audiences around the world with his message of perseverance, resiliency and hope for more than a decade. A highly decorated soldier, Dan was severely injured during combat in Iraq in 2004 after an improvised explosive device (IED) detonated beneath his vehicle. He lost both legs below the knee, and lives with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and the emotional wounds of war. Dan credits Wounded Warrior Project (WWP) with his successful rehabilitation, which instilled a “can-do” attitude, positive outlook and passion for helping his fellow wounded warriors in him. He quickly became an advocate for the organization, inspiring both his peers and the public to create positive change for themselves and those around them, simply by sharing his powerful story. Dan’s charismatic personality and relatable, lively approach resonated with audiences of all shapes and sizes, and he soon found himself sharing his story with hundreds of thousands of people around the world. In 2008, Dan received WWP’s highest honor, the George C. Lang Award for Courage, for his efforts on behalf of the organization. He went on to become the director of WWP’s Warriors Speak program, where he taught other wounded warriors and their caregivers how to share their stories with the public and serve as spokespeople for the organization, much like he had.

“We all have traumas in life.”

More recently, Dan discovered the life-changing power of yoga, which has enabled him to heal from the invisible wounds of war in a way that nothing else could. He quickly realized that other wounded warriors could benefit from yoga in the same way and knew he had to become an instructor. Dan became a Baptiste Yoga teacher in 2015, and now incorporates the notion of “yoga for every-body” into his speeches and classes, encouraging people from all walks of life – and veterans in particular – to take up the practice. Word of Dan’s efforts spread quickly, and he has been invited to teach yoga throughout the world, from the White House in Washington, DC to the Africa Yoga Project in Nairobi, Kenya. Nowadays, when he’s not leading classes for hundreds of participants, Dan can usually be found sharing his passion for life, WWP, yoga and his fellow wounded warriors with the attendees of major events ranging from the Bank of America 500 at the Charlotte Motor Speedway to the Wisdom 2.0 Summit in San Francisco. However, Dan refuses to rest on his laurels, and is continuously searching for new ways to help other veterans. In late 2015, he decided to take his advocacy work one step further and established the Yodha Foundation. Through the foundation, he is developing the Warrior Spirit Retreat, a non-profit that will empower warriors and their families to greater possibilities by providing them with new tools for healing from the invisible wounds of war. Set on a serene organic family farm in St. Augustine, Florida, the holistic retreat will offer a curriculum centered on yoga, mindfulness and meditation, and will be free of charge to veterans and their families.