Dark Night : Bipolar is not a medical condition.

Dawn in Férrières-en-Brie, November 2019.

This is an incredible find who I have been listening all nights long, during my Journey from the Caterpillar to Cocoon stages.

Whilst you can find all Butterfly process in his channel, one of my milestone is gaining a different understanding and perspective on this bipolar medical condition.

Have been bipolar in my youth, until I mastered my swing moods, with plants, and flowers, and walking, yoga and mindfulness. Please, I am not here telling you to drop your pills, and say to you that we can do it without medicins and psychiatrist.

Winter 2012

My message here is YOU ARE THE ONE who can really understand what is going on in your mind and add plus value (natural, holistic or spiritual) to your life.

STORY TIME.

 For the story time, my neighbor went mad one night, in january 2015, while I was struggling with my anxiety, and couldn’t sleep already. He tried to kill her wife for the second time. He also tried to beat a policeman (who was wounded on his head falling in the fight and tapping to a table’s angle), who came at 1 am in the house apart on same flat. The day after, after a sleepless night, I was told from his wife, his story: 25 years medicines plus “smoking” and drinking. So, what would you expect? Complete healing? Bliss? Genius?  

Antonella Barberini
PTSD Beautiful Trauma
Web Editor, IPF Angel and Author

Conversations with God.

This is a perfect example of what a dark night of the soul means. And I wish Neale Donald Walsh will be back to Paris, to attend his conference, at least once.

What’s burn out?

Dolores O’Riordan struggle with burn out/break down. Died age 46.

The Cranberries star Dolores O’Riordan has previously opened up about her battles with depression and the breakdown of the band. The Irish star has ‘died suddenly’ at the age of just 46, according to reports. But she overcame a lot during her life, including battles with depression. Dolores went through a tough time after the deaths of her father and mother-in-law. She once said: “There have been times when I’ve struggled. The death of my father and mother-in-law was very hard. Looking back, I think depression, whatever the cause, is one of the worst things to go through. Then again, I’ve also had a lot of joy in my life, especially with my children. You get ups as well as downs. Sure isn’t that what life’s all about?”

The band faced troubles too. Their first album, Everybody Else Is Doing It, in 1993 brought about massive success, but by their third, they were running out of steam. She added to Irish News : “Maybe if we’d taken a break, who knows, it might’ve helped. But we were so green when we started out. We signed up for a two-year straight contract without knowing how hard it’d be. We were working all the time and in the end, I was burned out.” The band came to a halt in 2003, before later coming back for a reunion tour in 2009.

She added: “It’s not good to be working constantly. Everybody needs to find balance in life. I’d advise anyone starting out to take their time, think about what they’re doing. Don’t over commit, only take on a few months at a time. See how it goes.” Back in 2016, Dolores was fined for head-butting and spitting at a police officer in an alleged air rage incident. She had pleaded guilty after being arrested at Shannon Airport in November 2014 following a disturbance on a flight. Dolores, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after the incident, was fined €6,000 (£4,690) but avoided a criminal conviction. She admitted four offences, including three assaults and obstructing a garda after being taken off an Aer Lingus flight from New York’s JFK airport.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/dolores-oriordans-struggles-depression-how-11856717

Wounded Healer. What’s that? Are you?

Wounded healer is a term created by psychologist Carl Jung. The idea states that an analyst is compelled to treat patients because the analyst himself is “wounded“. The idea may have Greek mythology origins.

Who is Jonathan Foust?

I dunno, but he sounds amazing on his podcats.

When I felt lost in confusion, I asked myself “What am I supposed to do?” I didn’t know how to react. But the question is “How do you react to this world of suffering?” First, accept that stress, suffering and dissatisfaction are part of our human experience. Perhaps there is a way not to react, but to positively respond.

Chiron from 2010-2019

  • Challenged all religions – cutting their progress and power.
  • Made us switch from me to we.
  • Forced us to deal with our raging emotions and our self-destructing mood swings.

Chiron in Aries (2019 – 2027)

This is a particularly challenging position for Chiron, threatening world peace. This new position of the Wounded Healer has so many things to say. He will stay there until April, 2027.

We switch again from we to me. And we should take full responsibility of our actions.

It’s not easy to get through this time without being aware of what we do and the impact of our actions. Karmically speaking, this new position will probably bring wars and protests like we’ve never seen before.

But through all this violence, suffering and cruelty, we will finally learn that Love is the Key.

Chiron was an educator ( today’s coach/mentorship), and he was especially good with boys. He taught them the skills they needed to become men: medicine, music, archery, hunting, and prophecy. And although he was married, his love of his young male students surfaces in many stories, his attachment to Dionysus, for example.

Trauma Survivors.

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Basil, I am planting basil on my mini balcon.

And I  just found this article about empathy, and resilience, and the real revolution we are witnessing. We are living a time of changing. And you know what? I have been attending a class of Excel and Word this week, some basic class, to get started with those beautiful softwares which are like white magic to me.

We were a group of people who are trying to requalify them selves in order to keep our job after our “accident”. Me, after burn out, and inability to work as receptionist anymore. The other girls were especially physically concerned, one is a dancer and broke her bones training, the other got leucemia, and she is recovering, but still smoking, another one has got the handicap status but dunno why exactly, she comes from food and beverage, and she hates sitting in front of a pc, typing all day.

This made me realise just one simple thing that I would like to share with you: we, as Trauma Survivors, or PTSD sufferers with no Trauma, are the living proof that we are all different. Despite what this Consumers Society wants to promote ( and fuck** Yes, I bought those Adidas too) .

PTSD are a self-defense reaction of our body and mind who tell us that we are not well, and the message sent is quite clear. And not only, we have been told that we need help, we need each other, but also that we need our Self, our Self Love and Worth.

Yes, tonight, planting my basil I wanted to tell you exatcly how I feel it.

We are a living proof of human beings Uniqueness. The fact that we find in this Community of Mental Health disease (we are just Sensitive people), it’s even more evidence. No one of us has got the same story, but we share the same symptoms.

Let’s celebrate this Uniqueness altogether.

Basil is a very sacred plant and she attracts love, protection and wealth. Put a basil on your flat entrance or at the windows and you’ll attract good vibes.

I appreciate you are here.

xx

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PTSD Books: The Burnout Society.

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And this is the book that I was offered from my doctor. Actually, he wanted it back. Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

Our competitive, service-oriented societies are taking a toll on the late-modern individual. Rather than improving life, multitasking, “user-friendly” technology, and the culture of convenience are producing disorders that range from depression to attention deficit disorder to borderline personality disorder. Byung-Chul Han interprets the spreading malaise as an inability to manage negative experiences in an age characterized by excessive positivity and the universal availability of people and goods. Stress and exhaustion are not just personal experiences, but social and historical phenomena as well. Denouncing a world in which every against-the-grain response can lead to further disempowerment, he draws on literature, philosophy, and the social and natural sciences to explore the stakes of sacrificing intermittent intellectual reflection for constant neural connection.

 

About the authors

Korean-born German philosopher Byung-Chul Han teaches philosophy and cultural studies at Berlin’s University of the Arts (UdK). In the past few years, his provocative essays have been translated into numerous languages, and he has become one of the most widely read philosophers in Europe and beyond. His work is presented here in English for the first time.

 

Check also this article about Philosophy:

In Orwell’s “1984” society knew that was being dominated. Not today.

 

 

Self Publishing. First book: check!

PTSD Beautiful Trauma

It was september 2015, I finally got my sick leave after a long stressful time and, not by chance, I went to the doctor office to ask for a ( life changing ) prescription. When I came out I got a burn out sentence. Yes, it was happening to Me, for real.

“Me? Mrs Perfect and Wonder Woman? Go away.”

Time to make a point, to say the least, and realise which were my real needs and prior Values.

My memoir is half journaling, half potential distopic sci-fiction. Definitely, it was my best company, and writing has been the first self-help therapy. It’s everyday struggle for survival, when everything literally burns inside out, and you go through your Dark Night of the Soul.

As soon as I  finished to rewrite it for the third time, I sent to Italian publishing editors. To be honest, I was contacted only by one, small editor from Rome, who asked me 1500 euros to publish it.  Forget it. Italy is one of the few countries left not yet involved in any of latest terrorist attacks, it goes without saying that there is a lack of empathy. It’s okay.

Thank you for contacting me in case you are interested in being my editor for my next book on Stigma, which is a reportage, in the Shakespeare’s language. Before I repeat the awesome experience on Amazon.

Best Regards,

Antonella BARBERINI

The Pursuit of Happiness vs Search of Meaning.

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When I started to look for my purpose, I was recovering from occupational burn out, and PTSD ( except I didn’t understand it ). My doctor played a mentor’s role in the story and he pushed me to my life questioning. Before that, I was completely unaware and in so-called hamster wheel.

In february 2016, I lost a camerade, at work, for a stroke, at 7 am. He was, apparently, quarelling with his manager when he fell down on the ground.  They brought him to the hospital by a first aid helicopter, but it was too late. A stroke requires fast help, and perhaps, unhappily, it was not the case. When I arrived in the morning, I passed by the direction office, and heard the executive director preparing his speech for the team talk.

He was calling, on the phone, for all the team staff and occupational doctor, in order to announce that R. my brit camerade, aged 43, was lying in a hospital bed, waiting to cut his hoxygene off. They were just waiting for his parents to come from the UK. He left 4 children and a wife. Sure, you first wonder how it would be like if you were at his place. The fact is that in the early morning, at wake up, 6h45 am, I did my routine mindfulness meditation, and I remember addressing my Self to “above” to submit my service into something bigger than my ego, and my own will. If you see what I mean. We often ask and beg for what we want for us and we never put our selves in a humbling position.

Don’t ask what your Life can do for you, but what you can do for your Life“.

As soon as I stepped into the corridor of the management office, I had the gut feeling that I got my answer or, at least, for just that day. No more excuses, I needed to talk.

So, for the very first time, fearless, I crossed over the door of my executive director, in order to speak out loud and we finally had a powerful, understanding, conversation.  He was in dispair, it was his third loss in a few months, and right after the november attacks, which had such an impact on our workplace, and our spirit. To minimize, my manager tried to tell me that all of us have personal situations which put our health in danger. Work issues wasn’t concerned. Invisible wounds and stress disorders cannot be taken seriously – at a work environement – as a proof of stroke, heart attack or any other health disease, because if you survive, there is a clause of confidentiality. They keep it as a secret. You’d better not talk about. That’s how people get depressive and suicidal, what the hell.

“They say that your purpose is what you struggle with.”

So, the promise I have made to my Self, in that dark upsetting morning, was precisely to take responsability for Me and My own Life. To be honest, from 2015 to 2017, I’ve been writing a memoir in my mother language, that I have tried to get published, but no one showed up unless ahaha! some editing publisher from Rome who complimented me and, as offer, asked me 1500 euros to get my work published. Never mind. What’s the main purpose of all this writing, I wondered, if not healing and sharing? 

***

 

In her book “The Power of Meaning,” Emily Esfahani Smith rounds up the latest research — and the stories of fascinating people she interviewed — to argue that the search for meaning is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness.

 

Our culture is obsessed with happiness. Even though we devote vast amounts of time and resources trying to be happier, many of us feel aimless and alienated nonetheless. With depression and loneliness trending upward for decades and the suicide rate rising around the world — recently reaching a 30-year high in the United States — it’s clear that something is wrong. In recent years, social scientists have been trying to understand what exactly the problem is. What they’ve found is striking. What predicts the rising tide of despair sweeping across society is not a lack of happiness. It’s a lack of something else — a lack of having meaning in life. In fact, chasing and valuing happiness, the way our culture encourages us to do, can actually make people unhappy.

This set Smith on a journey to understand what constitutes a meaningful life. After extensive research and reporting, she came to see that there are four pillars of a meaningful life — and she lays them out in her TED Talk. Ultimately, she discovered that the search for meaning is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness — and we all have the power to build more meaning in our lives.

With courtesy of Ted Talk’s Ideas worth spreading

The PTSD Beautiful Trauma Project.

RAIN-Community-OrganizingThe PTSD Beautiful Trauma Project was born in France, in 2018, after 3 years from terrorist attacks to the “Charlie Hebdo Magazine” Board Office. Despite not being an activist, neither politically, nor labour councillor, I felt soon concerned and, in fact, I was. They say that, if you want to grow and evolve, in a lifetime, you get what you need, and not what you want. This was my case.

After multiple and unfortunate events, in Paris suburbs (2015), I woke up from burn out one mild day in mid-September, and I finally began my journey with struggling with PTSD as trauma survivor.

The social, both personal and professional, context I have been through this Parisian terror season, not only put me in a diseased mental health condition, but also forced me to a life-changing transformationUnderstanding, first, talking and taking actions, in the aftermath, were the only way to move forward.

Today, although, my work position is still in progress, as well as my emotional, physical and psychological statemy Body/Mind Health and Wellbeing are developing and improving one day at time. Panic attacks are over. Anger is a best friend of mine. Finally, I could find my purpose, and stick into my big dreams and life goals.

One side, the technique of Self-Discovery, thanks to the professional help of a kind lady, from the Occupational Psychologist Service, led me to a process of looking at my own identity, and therefore finding my True Self (Empathic and Highly Sensitive). On another side, my personal journey with PTSD recover was a chance to explore my potential, gifts and spiritual Path.

What could I ask more from a tragic event, and a chaos state of mind, other than survival? This project and my present life driving’s force speak out loud.

A couple of valuable aims will be sharing my personal tips about coping with PTSD, and ultimately, co-creating a community around Mental Health awareness, as well as Common Values.

Motto: What goes around comes around

We are all related.

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via The PTSD BT Project

What’s PTSD?

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If you agree, we – as human beings – were born to be a wholebalanced, and strongindividuals. Greek philosophers, and physicians, say that the natural state of things is calm and, sophrology – the science that studies the Consciousness – promotes body, mind and spirit harmony (SOS = free from diseases, balances. PHREN = diaphragm, emotional heart and by extension, spirit, conscience. LOGOS = Science, study, speech).

So, naturally, PTSD occur as a consequence of a lack of it. The fact is that you don’t realize at which cost, until your life becomes a mess, when you finally admit that something has broken, and you need help to fix it. It can be a physical wound, or invisible, when it concerns heart and soul, or if you are blessed enough, as brits would say, both.

DAN-NEVINS.4

Before 2015, I used to practice Yoga, once a week, basically to keep healthy, in a good shape and mood, it was relaxing, and I could fully stretch my body, especially my neck, happily turning 40.

After the 2015 events (january and november), I got completely unbalanced, both emotionally, and physically, put on weight, panic attacks, anger outbursts, no way to do my job anymore, like dealing with typical visitors problem solving (e.g. lost baggages, fully booked restaurants,..), or simply baring mood swings of my bipolar colleague. As soon as someone started crying or yelling for any reason, my self defense felt in danger (“that freeze, fly or fight thing”).

In february 2016,  I was diagnosed obviously inadequate to my position, until today.

For the short storytime, I knew panic and fear on a terrorist attack at workplace and PTSD soon started with insomnia, poor emotional intelligence like Hulk’s syndrome,  inability to put words on my own feelings, anxiety and fear of going crazy, exhaustion and chronique fatigue disease, after sleep burn out, tremors (mouth, legs, hands), tachycardia, and memory loss, just to mention a few. Others symptoms you can’t just describe, like a sort of electrochemical pinching in your veins, especially in legs, or warmth flames in the back, which give you the right sense of burning inside.

“A short circuit of your soul.” 

It goes without saying, my health was severely damaged, as you know stress is quite dangerous for neurons, once they are gone, they don’t regenerate, so you start aging earlier, that’s also why, today, it’s not so rare to see stress effects in people who suffer Alzheimer’s syndrom much younger than 60, or stroke and heartattack victims.

By the way, I lost three colleagues between 27 and 43, in 5 months, does it count for stress disorders statistiques? Of course, it doesn’t, except if you can prove it. And you can’t. Occupational joke between Medicine and Managament states that it’s confidential.

During my journey, back from burn out, I have been told several times that this is the illness of the strong. And this is one of the main reasons why I feel a proud trauma survivor, today. Of course, you have to consider a deep cleaning of your personal life, as well as a full transformation of your jobcareer and lifestyle. 

You can’t figure out coping with PTSD and holding on the same life schedule than before trauma. It involves stop overthinking, letting go, and modulating negative emotional responses compared with the healthy controls.

“You need some yoga in your life.”  

Yoga practice really made a difference for me. It brought “justice” to my body and mind, especially since I am doing it regularly, almost everyday.

Check out Ted Nevins’s story “a soldier’s surprising journey to becoming a yogi” on the following: Warrior Spirit Retreat

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Thanks to a welsh penpal, and army brit, nicknamed Salad Dodger, my attention was caught by an association for Combat Stress, and reading an article I was quite shocked, because some of my burn out symptoms were perfectly matching with war vets PTSDafter battlefield.

This study led me to another article written from the american journalist, Sebastian Junger, published by Vanity Fair, who experienced PTSD on his way back from Afghanistan, where he spent 15 months on a mission with a Battle Company.

“Sometimes, we ask ourselves if we can save the vets, I think the real question is if we can save ourselves.”

To resume up, PTSD symptoms can be:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Dissociation
  • Flashbacks
  • Nightmares
  • Irritability and outbursts of anger
  • Suicidal thoughts and suicide
  • Alcohol misuse and dependence
  • Sexual problems and confusion about sexuality

Other effects:

  • Eating disorders
  • Self-injury and self-harming behaviour
  • Transient psychotic episodes
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • Somatisation – Emotional distress experienced as physical pain
  • Increased rates of physical conditions like heart disease and cancer
  • Homelessness Re-victimisation Prostitution
  • Criminal behaviour (including, for a small minority, sexual offences)
  • Low self-esteem
  • Lack of confidence
  • Sleep problems
  • Parenting problems
  • Relationship problems
  • Trust issues

 

 

via What’s PTSD?

Willie Gillis, an ordinary guy, on The Satuday Evening Post.

Because I found these two articles so pertinent, and relevant, I would like to thank this cowboy, who is not posting since 2012, so I assume he might be somewhere else. If he is still alive, he can contact me, and ask me to delete his posts, or leave them, with his courtesy.

During the WWII years Norman Rockwell created a character named Willie
Gillis — an ordinary guy from a small town who joined the army.
Rockwell chronicled his experiences in the war in a series of Saturday Evening Post
covers.  After the war, he showed us Gillis returned to civilian
life — above you see him in college, on the G. I. Bill, having
survived and put on a little weight.

It’s a poignant image, for all it doesn’t say.  Gillis is
preparing himself for a “normal” life in post-war America, with his
pipe and his golf clubs — but the war souvenirs hanging over his head
suggest that he will always be haunted by memories out of place in a
“normal” world.

One of the virtues of Ken Burns’ newest documentary The War
is that it addresses the sort of post-traumatic stress disorder that
returning vets, and the whole civilized world on some level, suffered
in the wake of WWII.  For the vets it was peculiarly disorienting,
with feelings of triumph, guilt and shame all mixed up together.
It was not something that could be talked about in the world Willie Gillis was
trying to become a part of.

All of this I think reinforces my notion that it was in art, in film noir
particularly, that such disorientation could be engaged in a safe way,
a socially acceptable way.  You can read more thoughts on
the subject here.

Posted on  by 

A Norman Rockwell for today

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER AND FILM NOIR

World War Two was a “good war”.  America and its allies pulled together
and destroyed the Axis powers.  On balance, and in retrospect, it
has to be considered one of the great achievements of
humane civilization.  But human beings don’t live on balance or in
retrospect, particularly where war is concerned.  They live inside
the horror of it and it takes a toll on individuals and on societies
which can never be fully measured.

The upbeat spirit of American propaganda during the war, and the
genuine satisfactions of victory, veiled the true experience of the war
for millions — not just for those who fought it on the battlefields of the
world, but for those at home who lived in terror that their loved ones at
the front might never return . . . and of course, most especially, for those at home whose loved ones didn’t return.  On a broader level, anyone who simply witnessed
the spectacle of total war on a global scale, from whatever distance, had
to have experienced a soul-shaking anxiety about the fragility of all
social structures and cultural norms.

After WWII, the whole planet experienced post-traumatic stress disorder
— localized in this case by the fact of the atomic bomb, which ended
the war but left the world with a paradox that wouldn’t go away.
It took an act of colossal horror to finally “win” this good
war.  And the prospect of this horror being again visited on the
world was far from unimaginable.

We now know a lot more than we used to about post-traumatic stress
disorder and the ways it can be treated.  In the immediate post-war era, the
phenomenon was more elusive, and often unrecognized.  We made
meaningful social restitution to the veterans of the war, with measures like
the G. I. Bill — we reconstructed the devastated nations we
conquered.  But that just scratched the surface.

It was in art that the true psychic cost of the war was exposed and explored — nowhere more pointedly than in film noir.  The sort of trauma that engenders PTSD is identifiable by several characteristics — a sense of being out of control and confused, a sense of terror, a sense of being outside the normal realm of human
experience.  Is there a better description of the usual
predicament of the protagonist in a classic film noir?

PTSD on a broad cultural and societal level is what best explains the phenomenon of film noir, which on its surface is so mysterious.  Why should a triumphant
nation, after a great collective victory in a good war, have been
gripped by that mood of existential dread which informs so many Hollywood films of the post-war era?  Why should the most spectacular achievement of American arms have led to a crisis of manhood, a sense of impotence, a fear of powerful women
incarnated in the morbid fantasy of the femme fatale?

femme_fatale_by_kaceym

Film noir was a dream landscape where the buried costs of WWII could be recognized, reckoned and mourned, as a prelude to psychic recovery, or at least psychic survival.
Veterans of combat often report the difficulty of dealing with people
who have not shared their experience of it — people who can never
really know what it’s like.  Film noir, far more than the WWII combat film, was one of the few arenas of American life where the true legacies of war, its lingering moral and
psychological dislocations, could be engaged without apology or shame.

Posted on  by