A bit about my Journey

Bonsoir Beautiful Soul, you came like a rain drop after a thirsty desert trip lol As you can see, I am Under construction, building my WP Identity, soon adding my books, I mean the ones I am reading and my self help manual in 2020. Pouring out all my creativity for a good cause : normalizing mental health, I like it ūüėČ It’s not by chance that you live in Phoenix, right? lol I was checking your life path number, you are a 5, Freedom and Change :

Those with Life Path Number 5 tend to be adventurous and free spirited people. You are much more likely to crave change and new life experiences. Because of your upbeat personality, you are likely to motivate others. Your curious, flexible, and impulsive nature will draw you towards travel and other exiting pursuits. Be wary of overstretching yourself, of overreaching in your search for Freedom.

ps. I am impressed, as late bloomer, I am 45, I really admire a Young girl inspiring and motivating others like you do. All you said about your Journey resonates with me. To end this post, I’d like to add that in my twenties, I dreamed of Arizona, Monument Valley, in first instance, and I considered Moving for working in a ranch. Yes. Nice to meet you. I hope that you are doing well like you look like in these refreshing pages. Very virgo, compared to my messy, creative aries posts‚Ķ lol

Antonella Barberini
PTSD Beautiful Trauma
Web Editor, Dreamer and Author

Waking Up with Cece

The journey I am on is only a small piece of the puzzle; a puzzle of a larger plan for us all. I’m not going to go into any sap details on my personal life, but I do want to share some pivotal moments or situations that have shaped my point of view on life and my existence.

My lovely life started back in 1997, on September 15 in San Jose, California, 8:19 pm to be exact. It has been a journey I have wanted to take, and have made the choice to make the best of every single day.

Life hasn’t been perfect by any means, and it hasn’t been anywhere close to a disaster either.

Growing up I felt so odd, almost like there was actually something wrong with me.

I never had tons of friends. I never pushed myself into the spotlight. I more than often felt…

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‚ÄěChange your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.‚Äú

‚ÄĒ Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune ( 1941 )

Summer 2013

“When your reputation is broken, then you are set free”

an old german saying

WHITE ROOM ( 1965 )

This song is for a friend departed too fast and too soon. Psychedelic state of the mind. He was a dark angel. And he touched my life. He drank too much, he burnt too much and his back pain led him abusing of painkillers. Sure he was depressive, but aren’t we all here when the night is that dark and seem not to end anymore?

Ciao, Bello. Remember me in the fields of gold.

I’ll wait in this place where the sun never shines
Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves

You said no strings could secure you at the station
Platform ticket, restless diesels, goodbye windows

I walked into such a sad time at the station
As I walked out, felt my own need just beginning

I’ll wait in the queue when the trains come back Lie with you where the shadows run from themselves

Paris, Pigalle.

Power of Now

The book which introduced me to Present Moment awareness and taught me that we are not our thoughts. And how I came to better my listen skills, out of judgementIncluding my Inner Voice. This goal was attained only by practice of meditation (10 -20 minutes a day to start from).

Are you an Empath?

Bonjour les Divers,

Here you get one step further your Self Discovery ; have heard of Empathy? Did you know it is a Super Power? Well, half part of my life I have been struggling this psychic gift, today I am kind of accepting, and let me guide from it. What you need is basically creating a shield ( can be both psychic and physical ) in order to master it and not being destroyed by it. Because I am lazy, I will put you here two of my best speakers I found on my web searching until now. You can subscribe their channels, or just taking what you need at this right moment. And that’s ok.


oh well, they speak alot, if you are sleepless will be perfect….

Mystic Signs: Dawn of New Life?


Before sharing next article, with courtesy of The Mystic.org,  I want to tell you of  a strange thing that happened to me, when I almost turned into madness, before my sick leave was due.

One afternoon, I was walking on the sidewalk, to the supermarket, when I found this watercolor on the hedge. Middle of nowhere. A long hair woman walking on the beach with a long summer dress, a hat on her hand, and a shell on her ear, her eyes closed. My Italian sister is quite a believer, and she told me that a shell in christian symbolism means “listen”.

Well, me too, I was in the middle of nowhere, playing the hamster wheel in my job, unhealthy relationships, far from my true, higher Self. No purpose at all. At the same time, feathers came on my way. Any kind of feathers, just anywhere …. and I did a research, to debunk the code of what was the meaning behind it. Have a guess. Well, what the fuck is this reality? Is it a joke? Lila, as indians say, the “big Game”.

Where do these signs come from? Which level of vibration? Is My Counsciousness trying to tell me there is more than what we think? What I think….

Isn’t being anxious a strong demand of deep faith? Are we not asking to the Great, Invisible Mystery to manifest in our life just to comfort us, and show us that this spiritual and physical¬†pain is useful, somehow?

For the end of the story, at that present moment I didn’t have my smart phone yet, and no chance to take a picture of that watercolor, that I didn’t want to touch, as if it was sacred. Then, when I came back, from my shopping, the painting was gone.


Here in this dark night, the lifelong ego sense dies: impotent. Having fulfilled its part, now weak and incompetent, it is dissolved ‚ÄĒ transmuted. From a higher sense now awakening within you, you slough off your false sense of self. You now know yourself to be a different person than you thought you were. Your ego was merely experiencing some of the attributes, some of the qualities, of your true nature, while at the same time obstructing others.

You, in passing successfully through the dark night, enter the realms of higher consciousness. You’ve been cleansed of the most deep-rooted sickness: your ignorance of your true nature and your inadequate, often totally wrong opinion of who you are. You now cease your inner conflict and abide serenely in your true nature. The night is over. The dawn of a new life in higher consciousness transforms your bleak life of the past few months into one with a heavenly nature. You have been delivered of the intolerable bondage to ego.

Henceforth, you will walk the earth seeing others afresh, living a new life, and abiding in your true nature. You have become a son or daughter of higher consciousness. Now your words and actions will be attuned with your true self. Now you express inspiration and comfort.

The dark night has passed. It is over.

What must the caterpillar do that it may one day fly?

The PTSD Beautiful Trauma Project.

RAIN-Community-OrganizingThe PTSD Beautiful Trauma Project¬†was born in France, in 2018, after 3 years from terrorist attacks to the ‚ÄúCharlie Hebdo Magazine‚ÄĚ Board Office. Despite not being an activist, neither politically, nor labour councillor, I¬†felt soon concerned and, in fact, I was. They say that, if you want¬†to grow and evolve, in a lifetime, you get what you¬†need,¬†and not what you¬†want. This was my case.

After multiple and unfortunate events, in Paris suburbs (2015), I woke up from burn out one mild day in mid-September, and I finally began my journey with struggling with PTSD as trauma survivor.

The social, both personal and professional, context I have been through this Parisian terror season, not only put me in a diseased mental health condition, but also forced me to a life-changing transformation. Understanding, first, talking and taking actions, in the aftermath, were the only way to move forward.

Today, although, my work position is still in progress, as well as my emotional, physical and psychological state, my Body/Mind Health and Wellbeing are developing and improving one day at time. Panic attacks are over. Anger is a best friend of mine. Finally, I could find my purpose, and stick into my big dreams and life goals.

One side, the technique of Self-Discovery, thanks to the professional help of a kind lady, from the Occupational Psychologist Service, led me to a process of looking at my own identity, and therefore finding my True Self (Empathic and Highly Sensitive). On another side, my personal journey with PTSD recover was a chance to explore my potential, gifts and spiritual Path.

What could I ask more from a tragic event, and a chaos state of mind, other than survival? This project and my present life driving’s force speak out loud.

A couple of valuable aims will be sharing my personal tips about coping with PTSD, and ultimately, co-creating a community around Mental Health awareness, as well as Common Values.

Motto: What goes around comes around

We are all related.


via The PTSD BT Project

Stress as Self Defense. Burn out vs Stroke.

‚ÄúThere‚Äôs a lot of stress out there, and to handle it, you just need to believe in yourself; always go back to the person that you know you are, and don‚Äôt let anybody tell you any different, because everyone‚Äôs special and everyone‚Äôs awesome.‚ÄĚ ‚Äď McKayla Maroney

Sleep deprivation, anxiety, overthinking, anger and frustration, can lead to over producing the hormone called Cortisol. These factors elevate stress hormones and can have negative impacts on the brain, including the hippocampus. When I slept 3-4 hours per night, due to chronic stress and trauma, my nervous system short-circuited. In bed, before falling asleep, my legs used to shimmer, not like normally would when you are shy, or cold, for example, but more like convulsions. Until 1 am.

The same, at work, once a guest lost his bag from airport, and asked for help, in tears, getting angry cos I didn’t show very proactive or empathic ( airports procedures can be very slow and frustrating on the phone ), but real fact is that I was so fed up that I had my hands shimmering without any control. Simply, I couldn’t stand complaining about minor matters than a terrorist attack any more. That means I was overreacting to any stressful situation.¬†I couldn’t put any distance at¬†all.¬†Anytime I felt in danger, my body started shaking. It could be an unhappy guest, or a couple quarrelling on the street, or police cars with blue lights¬†‚Ķ my body put me in fight or flight protection’s system.

Adrenalin and cortisol, when produced in overdose, stimulate your body so much that the memory of the traumatic event keeps this process of shaking. Then your body is releasing the massive energy slowly anytime it is possible, in order to calm down and relax. So trauma manifests him self by this loop of neurobiological response that keeps you blocked in a physical and mental prison. Until the signal of ¬ę¬†danger is over¬†¬Ľ comes to your body. And your plus energy flows away, naturally.

It’s like we have to say to our body¬†: ¬ę¬†Ok, now you can let go, danger is over!¬†¬Ľ

Imagine a gazelle escaping from a lion, that is so-called ¬ę¬†fight or flight¬†¬Ľ scheme, when adrenaline and cortisol are at theur top production. Now, can you figure out the same gazelle after one year and more holding on escaping¬†?

It scents blood.

‚ÄúIt has long been established that stress-related illnesses, such as¬†post-traumatic stress disorder¬†(PTSD) trigger changes in brain structure, including differences in the volume of gray matter versus white matter, as well as the and size and connectivity of the amygdala,‚ÄĚ says endurance athlete, coach and author, Christopher Bergland.

Theferore, if you are interested in taking care of your brain, I invite you to learn more about chronic stress effects on your amigdala.


Of course, I am a caffein addicted. And sometimes I try to change my habit into a healthier one, like green tea or chai, ginger and so on. But it’s really heavy for me that I am Italian. Bad habits, bad heritage.

Stress can kill you, you have to be aware of it. If you have a chance, it might as well save your life. It depends if you have the chance to recognize it, and say STOP. Or someone else will do it for you.

That’s fine. Except it might be quite late for your brain’s damage. Neurons gone; and you lost. Preferably, left alone. Nobody holding your hand. Can you figure it out?

Burn out is called¬†“strong disease”. I am a case study. And following are real facts.

In 2016, at work, right after¬†november 2015 Paris attacks, in four months,¬†I lost three camerades. Age 27, 38, and 43. The last one had four children, and had an argument with the manager, at 7 am. He fell for a stroke. They waited for help, and he was brought to hospital by helicopter. When you have a stroke timing is essential. You get 4 hours time before it’s too late. Also brain functions damages can be relevant. While director called all teams in a room, to announce us that our english colleague was lying in be¬†at¬†hospital, his parents were on their way to decide to unplug his machine. They said it was not related to work, or stress disease, nobody could prove it, anyway.¬†In three days afer his unlucky accident, we were collecting money to burn his body.¬†Three days and your own truth is¬†blowing in the wind.


The others two, stroke again ( bad feeding habits, obesity realated?¬†),¬†and infarctus, this one, after a ride on a bycicle, early in the morning. He was 27, and worked in the restaurant’s kitchen. He also had an argument, with managament,¬†before going home. I could notice, the higher rate of casualties happen in¬†food&beverage environments, where the talk and hierarchy are¬†much alike army.

A few other colleagues from reception had health issues during summer 2015. The time of my panic attack. ¬ę¬†It is personal¬†¬Ľ. ¬ę¬†She is anorexic.¬†¬Ľ ¬ę¬†She takes heavy treatments for breast cancer.¬†¬Ľ ¬ę¬†She is just tired.¬†¬Ľ¬†And me, I was – obviously –¬†too¬†sensitive.

Researchers who conducted a study on the effects of stress and stroke measured chronic stress in 5 major areas:

  • Personal health problems
  • Health problems in others close to the patient
  • Job or ability to work
  • Relationships
  • Finances

Use this list to assess where your chronic stress is coming from.


Nobody could mesure Stress Conditions, because there is no way to put a code for stress. Stress is defined a personal and individual response to danger conditions. We are unique individuals with different responses.You can’t put responsability to bad behaviour of someone or bad management.¬†That’s also why it is so much important that you take responsability for Your Self. And Self Love starts with learning to say “NO”,¬†or “ENOUGH”. Didn’t you have enough yet? Did you learn to¬†put your borders?

Start now.