Darks Nights can go wrong sometimes.
Chester distinguish burnout from depression. In fact, when I have been through burnout, I was physically exhausted, but I had this energy ( as my doctor recognized ). Yes, I wasn’t depressed. Despite I felt a failure, and that if I lost that job I wouldn’t probably be able to find security anymore. But I wanted to respond. I heard a voice, my calling. Like it was a cycle that I had to live over and over again and this time it was the time to break it.
I thought to all times that my mother told me to slow down, OVERPROTECTING ME…make me feeling guilty, or again, not enough for living a life like others do. Get married, find the Right thing, the Right man and go through the regular process of living like anybody else.
My mother has not yet understood that I am not like anybody else, and I am embracing my Uniqueness right now.
Depression, I know, first time caught me at twenty. I didn’t know what I shall become. I didn’t accept what they were giving to me: working in tourism because you pay your bills, in Rimini, like what you really are will never be enough, again, to pay your bills. That Reality stuff thing. Except I wanted to write and just be what I am. What I have been born to.
What if your parents are first to lack trust in you?
All of that break your confidence in what you are and what life can bring to you to give you joy and happiness. Depression stroke me again last year, when I lost my aunt, my role model (each time I learn something new she is around, especially creating hand artwork or use red and burnt yellow, colors that she used for rooms furniture when we lived together, before my uncle and aunt splitted), and I also lost a friend, fallen from 4th floor of his apartment due to abuse of meds and alcohol. He was 35. He was a dark angel.
Last Christmas 2018, I realized that I was falling when I stopped feeling like eating and confusing what’s real. When you get up and you dunno why you have to. You feel just black and can’t help with it. Until something smashing comes into your life and so it happened to me. I found my schoolmates after 30 years, all at once. They have reached me out in France, via Whatsapp and Facebook. They wanted me back in our hometown. Back home.
I think we need to talk and share about this topic in the most light and creative way to make sure that nobody is left behind.
We are family.
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