my helpline call september 2015. suicide month prevention.

Since I have opened this website I did not tell you much what happened, just because I wanted to make up my mind first and get the work done with writing.

So I did.

Now, in order to share appropriate contents, to put things together and to make sense of it, I am starting opening a little bit more day by day. I am not a compulsive blogger so stay tuned and follow me on IG, in case.

Today I am recalling when I finally made that call on the helpline to get an appointment and meet some counsellor at my company. Yes, since my trauma was related to work I thought that it was their affair to help me. A friend discouraged me because he said this service was inside the company and upon him I could be in trouble with my position.

Never mind, I WAS in trouble already. So since it was FREE and I could not allow any financial effort to see someone outside I went for it.

The call was easy. My wait line was one month and a half. Gosh !

Instead of giving up, and abandon my plan to reach some professional ready to listen to me I hanged on and improved with my patience skills.

I was learning and practicing resilience !

What I did in between that first appointement was learning law rights, well, worklaws. I was on a sick leave and I felt I needed protection for my come back. My physician became eventually my mentor. He did just great with me and validated my will not to take any med treaments against anxiety and sleep burnout.

You know how the story goes. I went back to my position for a while, I was declared unfit to my job and loss any chances with a career in elite hotellerie. Yes, mom. This time was a perfect time for surrendering to a bigger force or inner voice which was telling me to let it go and focus on what was really prior for me. My health and my wellness. Dot.

During that month I have been studying and I was ready to go back as quicker as possible thou in part time, gradually. What I did in my afternoons at home was writing over and writing over and digest the evidence of my break down.

That call was important because it made me feel connected to my social environement while all was falling apart. I felt bad in my work environement and boyfriend and best friend let me down. Ouch !

Was I really alone? Never. Even in my small apartement I never felt abandoned. On the opposite, I started developing my intuitive skills and tarot reading. I bought Doreen Virtue cards at that time. Indigo angels anything that could cheer me up. I finally found Marseilles Tarots and started learning more accurately what is tarot reading and where it comes from (ancient Egypt and Hermes Trismegistus). I needed guidance and self reflection. Not fake ego-centered friends and narcissistic lovers or competitive jobmates.

My quest was spiritual and changed my perspective on what was going on.

I did not need any job career to be happy, nor begging for hugs from a best friend, or begging for attention and listening from someone pretending being interested in you. I had to surrender to the fact that anything around me was fake.

I needed truth. and I found it. Where? have a guess … to be continued.

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