We met you on a starry Paris night at Hotel Plaza Athenee after we were called to arrange Audioslave’s under the radar after show party for the following night. I remember being introduced to you and how your eyes pierced through me.
You had the show the next day, and I did not attend. I met up with everyone at your after party, and when you realized I wasn’t at the show, you dryly asked, “Well, where were you… out having a sandwich?” A bunch of us sat, and I recall you ordering foie gras and me asking if you were sure you knew what you were ordering. You always had such elegant taste.
A friend asked who was the most beautiful girl at L’Avenue, and you got up in front of everyone, looked all around, came back, and you pointed at me. We talked that night until the sun came up, and it was time for you to leave for the next city. You called me the very next day, and 3 days, later we found ourselves together in London.
I remember how you ran in, fearful I had left because you were late from Zane Lowe’s show, and you were meeting me for tea time. At the time, I thought I needed to be careful and tried to distance my heart from falling in love with you… but you didn’t let that happen, and you zigzagged back and forth across the world to visit me. You were permanently jet-lagged because you couldn’t bear our time away from each other.
I finally came to visit you in New York on the 2003 Lollapalooza tour and threw your 39th birthday party. A few weeks later, I was on Mykonos, and you were still on Lollapalooza singing to me over the phone, “oh sweet Ms Vicky, won’t you come and marry me.”
I didn’t know what to think other than I loved you, and I was all in.
I flew to LA with my mom the day before my birthday in August. You gave me the most beautiful surprises from flowers, candles, and balloons everywhere to wrapped boxes of all shapes and sizes like it was Christmas. You made me feel like a princess.
You moved into the Beverly Hills Hotel because I was staying there. You woke up one morning doing flips on the bed. You asked me to come sit with you, and you said you had to take your necklace back. I thought, “No… why?” but you proceeded to cut it off and take the silver ring that was on it and said, “I woke up and I had the strangest vision of doing this. I’m not prepared with the real ring, but I want to marry you.” The ring fit perfectly, and while you surprised me with a Harry Winston several weeks later, I could not bear to take it off, and I used it as my wedding band. The two always represented how different you and I were but how perfectly we fit together.
I remember doing the civil wedding and how you cried. I had never met such a sensitive and special man.
We had our beautiful babies, and you were convinced we were soulmates, and that you had been looking for me. I’m so happy you found me. I’m so happy for the nearly 14 and a half years we spent together. We did everything together, literally, everything. You were my best friend, and when I wasn’t out on tour, we were on the phone at least 4 hours a day.
You were the best father, husband, and son-in-law to my parents. Your patience, empathy, and love always shone through.
You had always said I saved you. You wouldn’t be alive if it were not for me. My heart gleamed to see you happy living and motivated. Excited for life. Doing everything you can to give back. We had the time of our lives in the last decade, and I’m sorry my sweet love that I did not see what happened to you that night, I’m sorry you were alone, and I know that was NOT you my sweet Christopher. Your children know that too so you can Rest In Peace.
I am broken, but I will stand up for you, and I will take care of our beautiful babies. I will think of you every minute of every day, and I will fight for you. You were right when you said we are soulmates. It has been said that paths that have crossed will cross again, and I know that you will come find me, and I will be here waiting.
I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone in the history of loving and more than anyone ever will.
Always and forever,