How Porn changes your mind. Fight for Love Movement. Porn kills Love.

Oh, well, it’s already a statement for me. The last time I had bad news about bullying and raping at highschool, here in the region, of course my mind went to porn topic and its consequences.

Today, young people are born at this age where porn is not only accessible and free, but supported by all medias.

This morning I was on the article of this girl who is recovering from anorexia, and she is so cute when she speaks about “The Generation who killed Romance”.

She puts the accent on how dating on line turns out your attention on real life and present moment. So that everybody gets distracted and you don’t focus on the persons around you, or men who lost the art of conversation.

Goodbye galateo. That’s fine.

But what about young porn consumers? Which can be the consequences of abusing that stuff? Did you check on line threesome? Or porn channels for teenagers? They are completely FREE and no virus popping up from the page.

How do I knoe? Cos my jobmate is actually denouncing her daughter’s friend, at the tribunal, for a case of rape at the school. They are 16. Two guys deliberately bullying and raping a 16 yo girl. And other girls are involved. No way.

If it was me, her parent? Guess LOL

The fact is his father, girl’s, is not taking her defense, but repeating her that she should have spoken to the family. So that her sense of guilty increases. Congrats, dad.

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Brain scans of porn addicts: what’s wrong with this picture?

heroin-addict-brain-scans-008.jpgThe Cambridge University neuropsychiatrist Dr Valerie Voon has recently shown that men who describe themselves as addicted to porn (and who lost relationships because of it) develop changes in the same brain area – the reward centre – that changes in drug addicts. The study, not yet published, is featured next week in the Channel 4 TV show Porn on the Brain. Neurosceptics may argue that pictures of the brain lighting up in addicts tell us nothing new – we already know they are addicted. But they do help: knowing the reward centre is changed explains some porn paradoxes.

In the mid-1990s I, and other psychiatrists, began to notice the following. An adult male, in a happy relationship, being seen for some non-romantic issue, might describe getting curious about porn on the burgeoning internet. Most sites bored him, but he soon noticed several that fascinated him to the point he was craving them. The more he used the porn, the more he wanted to.

Yet, though he craved it, he didn’t like it (porn paradox 1). The cravings were so intense, he might feel them while thinking about his computer (paradox 2). The patient would also report that, far from getting more turned on by the idea of sex with his partner, he was less attracted to her (paradox 3). Through porn he acquired new sexual tastes.

We often talk about addicts as though they simply have “quantitative problems”. They “use too much”, and should “cut back”. But porn addictions also have a qualitative component: they change sexual taste. Here’s how.

Until recently, scientists believed our brains were fixed, their circuits formed and finalised in childhood, or “hardwired”. Now we know the brain is “neuroplastic”, and not only can it change, but that it works by changing its structure in response to repeated mental experience.

One key driver of plastic change is the reward centre, which normally fires as we accomplish a goal. A brain chemical, dopamine, is released, giving us the thrill that goes with accomplishment. It also consolidates the connections between neurons in the brain that helped us accomplish that goal. As well, dopamine is secreted at moments of sexual excitement and novelty. Porn scenes, filled with novel sexual “partners”, fire the reward centre. The images get reinforced, altering the user’s sexual tastes.

Many abused substances directly trigger dopamine secretion – without us having to work to accomplish a goal. This can damage the dopamine reward system. In porn, we get “sex” without the work of courtship. Now, scans show that porn can alter the reward centre too.

Once the reward centre is altered, a person will compulsively seek out the activity or place that triggered the dopamine discharge. (Like addicts who get excited passing the alley where they first tried cocaine, the patients got excited thinking about their computers.) They crave despite negative consequences. (This is why those patients could crave porn without liking it.) Worse, over time, a damaged dopamine system makes one more “tolerant” to the activity and needing more stimulation, to get the rush and quiet the craving. “Tolerance” drives a search for ramped-up stimulation, and this can drive the change in sexual tastes towards the extreme.

The most obvious change in porn is how sex is so laced with aggression and sadomasochism. As tolerance to sexual excitement develops, it no longer satisfies; only by releasing a second drive, the aggressive drive, can the addict be excited. And so – for people psychologically predisposed – there are scenes of angry sex, men ejaculating insultingly on women’s faces, angry anal penetration, etc. Porn sites are also filled with the complexes Freud described: “Milf” (“mothers I’d like to fuck”) sites show us the Oedipus complex is alive; spanking sites sexualise a childhood trauma; and many other oral and anal fixations. All these features indicate that porn’s dirty little secret is that what distinguishes “adult sites” is how “infantile,” they are, in terms of how much power they derive from our infantile complexes and forms of sexuality and aggression. Porn doesn’t “cause” these complexes, but it can strengthen them, by wiring them into the reward system. The porn triggers a “neo-sexuality” – an interplay between the pornographer’s fantasies, and the viewer’s.

Of all our instincts, sexuality is perhaps the most plastic, appearing to have broken free of its primary evolutionary aim, reproduction, even though a certain naive biological narrative depicts our sexual tastes as hardwired and unchanging, and insists we are all always drawn to the same, biologically fit, symmetrical features and attributes which indicate “this person will produce fit offspring”. But clearly we are not all attracted to the same type, or person.

Sexual tastes change from era to era: the sexual goddesses painted by Rubens are corpulent by modern standards. Sexual tastes also change from individual to individual: different people have different romantic “types”. Types tend to be caricatures: the free spirit, the artistic type, the bad boy, the strong silent type, the devoted woman, and so on. We learn that types are related to plasticity, when we discover the individual’s history. The woman attracted to “the unavailable man”, often lost her father in childhood; the man attracted to the “ice queen” had a distant critical mother. There is little hardwired about the specifics of these attractions. But the ultimate sign that sexual desire need not be hardwired into reproduction is the fetishist, more attracted to a shoe than its wearer.

Sexual tastes change over the course of our individual lives; not all love is love at first sight, based on looks; we may not notice someone as especially attractive, until we fall in love with them and feel such pleasure in their presence, that we soon “awaken” to their charms. And successfully monogamous couples, who love and feel attraction to each other over decades, slowly change their sexual tastes, as their partners age and look different. Sometimes change comes quickly, but no changes are as rapid or radical as those occurring in teenagers, who go from having limited, to all consuming attractions.

Teenagers’ brains are especially plastic. Now, 24/7 access to internet porn is laying the foundation of their sexual tastes. In Beeban Kidron’s InRealLife, a gripping film about the effects of the internet on teenagers, a 15-year-old boy of extraordinary honesty and courage articulates what is going on in the lives of millions of teen boys. He shows her the porn images that excite him and his friends, and describes how they have moulded their “real life” sexual activity. He says: “You’d try out a girl and get a perfect image of what you’ve watched on the internet … you’d want her to be exactly like the one you saw on the internet … I’m highly thankful to whoever made these websites, and that they’re free, but in other senses it’s ruined the whole sense of love. It hurts me because I find now it’s so hard for me to actually find a connection to a girl.”

The sexual tastes and the romantic longings of these boys have become dissociated from each other. Meanwhile, the girls have “downloaded” on to them the expectation that they play roles written by pornographers. Once, porn was used by teens to explore, prepare and relieve sexual tension, in anticipation of a real sexual relationship. Today, it supplants it.

In her book, Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion, Izabella St James, who was one of Hugh Hefner’s former “official girlfriends”, described sex with Hef. Hef, in his late 70s, would have sex twice a week, sometimes with four or more of his girlfriends at once, St James among them. He had novelty, variety, multiplicity and women willing to do what he pleased. At the end of the happy orgy, wrote St James, came “the grand finale: he masturbated while watching porn”.

Here, the man who could actually live out the ultimate porn fantasy, with real porn stars, instead turned from their real flesh and touch, to the image on the screen. Now, I ask you, “what is wrong with this picture?”.

 This article was corrected on 27 September. The Channel 4 programme Porn on the Brain was incorrectly called Porn and the Teenage Brain

With courtesy of The Guardian

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Now, this is so cute …a movement raising awareness on Porn kills Love and in a creative way.

 

 

French Spring Blooming.

DSC07768 (2)Spring actually lasted one week, until now, in the parisian region, and then straight back to winter.

Happily, I had the smart idea to go outside, with my crap smartphone, and take some more pictures…  you had already the white beautiful pears.

This time, I’ll share chestnut tree and amazing flowers, hawthorn, look at the aura, I didn’t put any special filter, this is real fairy aura:) and lilac, wish you could smell their sweet, lovely parfume. If you are not allergic, for sure.

The glycine is from My aunt, zia Gio, in Italy. She is not doing well, by now, and I wish her a good journey on the lungs cancer she is passing through. C’mon Zia Gio. You are simply the best.

  • Lilac, my manager brought to the office, here standing on my bureau.
  • Chestnut, I never noticed the wonder of their flowers.
  • Glycine, it’s climbing from groundfloor to the first floor

Quality of these pics is not HD. My smartphone is dying slowly, but surely; and once I’ve got my new one, I’ll start my first Instagram account. So, stay tuned.

Sure worth waiting for.

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My inspired Tibetan Collection: Mala and Shamballa.

Creativity has become part of my life in the last few years. Macramé technique, shamballa and my own fantasy helped me discover my talent for jewelry artcrafting.

The problem is, on the brand shall I put “Made in Italy”, because I am Italian, and our national brand is world renowned, and quality guarantee, or “Made in France”

To be honest, I prefer to put no brand. As for my vintage cards, these pieces are uniques and completely handmade. To test their success, I have offered a few to my friends and colleagues, some I wear my self, especially on summer season, now it’s your turn. You can find them on my Etsy Shop, of course, and at affordable prices.

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Well, I found hand crafting very relaxing and fullfilling, and this is one of the songs I have been listening to most while doing these.

 

Sinead’s letter in THE IRISH TIMES 1993.

Sinead oconnor montreal hotel room 1990 billboard 650.jpg?ixlib=rails 2.1My name is Sinead O’Connor. I am learning to love myself. I am deserving. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve not to be treated like dirt. I deserve to be listened to. I am a member of the human race. I deserve not to be hurt. My name is Sinead O’Connor. I am a woman. I have something to offer. I am and have always been carrying a lot of grief for my lost childhood. And for the effects of its horror and violence on my life. I am grieving the loss of my mother and father. I am grieving the loss of my brothers and sister. The division of my family. The loss of my SELF. My own inner child Who is really me. (Remember you do not know me). Who was tortured and abandoned and spat at and abused. Who has been beaten naked until she was bruised. Who has grown up with no sense of self-esteem. No sense of trust. No ability to be intimate and who therefore is in very great pain which needs to be looked at and worked through and expressed. So that I can be free of its effects on my life. Which are many and varied. I have been experiencing the need to be held. Which I have realized Is the governor of all my behaviours. Both productive and destructive. This is why I didn’t show up on Saturday… I find it hard to be myself. To show my feelings. To get to the joy I need to release the pain which is blocking me. If I don’t do this I will not survive. If I don’t do this I’ll never be the singer I am capable of being if only I can love myself. If only I can fight off the voices of my parents and gather a sense of self-esteem. Then I’ll be able to REALLY sing. Which is what I want more than anything else in the world. Recovery has always been my only goal. I have used my voice in every way. It is my life. The only thing I put even before my son. I’ve run away from the pain of not having been held For all my life. Until now. And when the feelings of loss came up this time I decided not to run away but to go with them. Feel them and release them So as to be free of them. I had to be myself. I couldn’t deal with being “Sinead O’Connor” for the day. I have become very self-conscious and frightened as a result of being “famous” One doesn’t see one’s self reflected in the mirror. I lost my Self. I cannot sing until I’m ready to be myself. And here’s how you could help. Stop hurting me please. Saying mean things about me. I’ve been in public since I was only twenty. Still a very sad baby. But I could sing then because I wasn’t frightened. I know I’ve been angry but I’m full of love really do you think you could stop hurting me? It is suffocating me. Please? It’s an accident that I got “famous”. But I think it proves that there are a lot of people out there like me. It is their pain, which they hear and see also in me ?- being expressed which made them respond to that song or to my songs or my voice. I represent a group of people. Adult-Children we are called. Those of us who have lost our childhoods. We make up 96% of the human race believe it or not. We are in very great pain. Which if it is to be healed must be expressed Or we will continue to turn our grief inwards as we do until it becomes anger and we self-destruct. The ways in which we do that are also many and varied! What goes on in the sitting room goes on in the public arena. War in Tibet, war in Africa, war in Ireland, war in Bosnia. Do you know that the Serbian leader’s parents killed themselves when he was only a nipper. And he is “acting out” the rage and grief he has never dealt with. I swear to you that this is true. What have the other leaders been through? I’ve trying to give this information. Because I know it can help the whole human situation. I was angry before I was frightened. I know if you could really listen you’d see that we do not know what we are doing. When we mock the expression of human feeling. When we scoff at the sound of our children’s keening. There is a mirror into which we are not looking.

The Phoenix Rises!

Today, on my Facebook, a quote comes out from past year. It is a poem on “rising phoenix”, as following:

The phoenix from the flame
You will learn
You will rise
You’ll return
Being what you are
There is no other Troy
For you to burn

My cousin was working on a poems book which actually manifested a few months later. On 13th december 2017 I went to visit him. He was promoting his first poems book on an evening in a Church. This is his kind of thing. He was speaking out his love for this girl (his bright star) who never returned, except as a good friend.

The book was standing on a table, since years, and it took 7 years of psychoterapy to understand from where his panic attacks come from. Yes, of course, I have encouraged him to write more and finish a project, like a way to move forward ( no matter poems quality or gender ). And he actually did.

 

Now it’s my turn, cousin. And I just did.

So, when’s yours?

 

The 82nd Airborne is changing its policy for memorial services — and it may affect paratroopers who die by suicide

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Soldiers who die by suicide may not receive full military honors in future 82nd Airborne Division memorial ceremonies, a spokesman confirmed to Army Times.

Going forward, commanders in the 82nd Airborne can choose from two different kinds of ceremonies: The regular ceremony with the usual complement of military courtesies, and an alternate ceremony, created for soldiers who died by suicide and those who died by misconduct, that allows units to omit a handful of courtesies.

 

Those courtesies include the final roll call, firing of volleys and sounding of taps, among others, according to a course of action decision slide provided to Army Times.

“The decision to allow for an alternate memorial ceremony in the event of paratrooper suicide was made in an attempt to reinforce the value of life and the reliance we place on one another,” said Lt. Col. Joe Buccino, spokesman for the 82nd Airborne. “This decision does not equate suicide with paratrooper misconduct.”

 Until recently, the division put on memorial ceremonies with full honors for all fallen soldiers, which was above and beyond what the Army requires in AR 200-1.

“There are a variety of options available to units when memorializing the service of a paratrooper who has tragically passed away as the result of suicide,” Buccino told Army Times.

The new alternate ceremony, which is described as suitable for suicide or deaths by misconduct, withholds those honors. There will also be no posthumous awards or promotions presented at the ceremony, and general officer attendance is not required, unless granted an exception by the commanding general.

Research has found that when responding to suicide, it is key for an organization to strike a balance between not glorifying the victim while also not stigmatizing the person’s struggle, a senior behavioral scientist at Rand Corp. told Army Times in a Tuesday phone interview.

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“It is a change, and it suggests that it’s coming from somewhere,” said Rajeev Ramchand, an expert in mental health and substance abuse in service members and veterans. “In the best of worlds, it’s coming from this effort that they don’t want to promote contagion, and in the worst of worlds, it’s saying that they’re thinking that these people are different or immoral or weak, and that’s what we don’t want.”

Contagion, he said, is the phenomenon that prompts suicides to inspire others to also take their lives.

“With respect to all of this, we know more about what not to do than we know what to do,” he said.

But the key, he added, is not to portray victims as heroes, while taking steps to assure their community that there are resources available and that the person’s life and service are important.

“From one perspective, one could say, so maybe we don’t give them full honors,” Ramchand said. “But if we do that, the problem with that is, it kind of chips away at this other goal, which is to honor their service and honor their family.”

 

Honor, not glory.

A memorial ceremony should be an outlet for a unit and its leadership to grieve and remember the person’s life, he added, but it can be problematic to pick and choose who receives which honors.

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“… Within the 82nd Airborne Division we actually expand on the Army policy for memorials, even in the event of paratrooper suicide; the Army merely recommends leaders’ remarks, reflection, moment of silence, and benediction, while these are mandated for a paratrooper suicide, with the commander allowed the flexibility to include the final roll call, firing of volleys, and sounding of taps,” Buccino said.

The ceremony also includes a moment of silence, while the chaplain’s memorial reflection will highlight the value of life.

“Within the 82nd Airborne Division we pursue a culture wherein our paratroopers and their families are encouraged to seek help,” Buccino said. “Asking for help is not weakness; it is a sign of strength.”

Fallen soldiers are still able to receive full honors at a funeral service, Buccino added, which is different than a memorial. Memorials focus on fellow soldiers, while funerals are given for families.

With courtesy of Armytimes.com