PTSD Beautiful Trauma

An expulsive cataclysm of the soul

“It’s a War within your Self that you can win.”

Me in a good day.

Parisian Sparkle’s Author Page on Amazon

You mean, what’s a nice girl like me doing in a dump like this, instead of raising a family? Simple. I own a third of Murphy’s operation, I’m not that nice, and these monkeys… are my family.

“What’s PTSD: it’s when you feel in pieces.”

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“What’s PTSD: when you are Broken and you can’t even name it.”

Greek philosophers, and physicians, say that the natural state of things is calm and, Sophrology – the science that studies the Consciousness – promotes body, mind and spirit harmony. So, naturally, PTSD occur as a consequence of a lack of it. The fact is that you don’t realize at which cost, until your life becomes a mess, when you finally admit that something has broken, and you need help to fix it. It can be a physical wound, or invisible, most of times, both.

“What’s PTSD: a huge lack of Harmony. Solution: work on your Balance“.



In the aftermath of terror attacks, in Paris 2015, I knew panic and fear at workplace and PTSD soon started with insomniapoor emotional intelligence,  inability to put words on my own feelingsanxiety and fear of going crazyexhaustion and chronique fatigue disease, after sleep burn outtremors (mouth, legs, hands), tachycardia, and short memory loss, just to mention a few. Others symptoms you can’t just describe, like a sort of electrochemical pinching in your veins, especially in legs, or warmth flames in the back, which give you the right sense of burning from the inside out.

After 6 months after terror attacks ( from january to june ), I got completely unbalanced, both emotionally, and physically, put on weight, panic attacks, anger outbursts, no way to do my job anymore, like dealing with typical visitors problem solving ( e.g. can’t stand people crying for a lost baggage, or a fully booked restaurant anymore, “damn stop it, please” ). Any yelling, for any reasons, and self defense goes on freeze, fly or fight. Why do people need to shout? COME ON 


In february 2016,  I was diagnosed definitely inadequate to my position. Until 19th september 2019, when I signed up for a long term deal in the present service for the same Company in which I broke down medically stated on 14th september 2016, after temporary therapeutic part time and several short term missions.

Of course, you have to consider a deep cleaning of your personal life, as well as a full transformation of your jobcareer and lifestyle. You can’t figure out coping with PTSD and holding on the same life schedule than before trauma. It involves stop overthinking, letting go, and modulating negative emotional responses compared with the healthy controls.

“Awaken the Warrior Within”.  

Yoga practice really made a difference to me. It brought “justice” to my body and mind. Check out american Dan Nevins’s story “a soldier’s surprising journey to becoming a yogi” on the following: Warrior Spirit Retreat


One day my attention was caught by a no profit association Combat Stress, and reading an article I was quite shocked, because some of my burn out symptoms were perfectly matching with war vets PTSD, after battlefield. This study led me to american journalist, Sebastian Junger, on Vanity Fair, who experienced PTSD on his way back from Afghanistan, where he spent 15 months on a mission with a Battle Company. He brings attention to this alienated modern Society, which becomes quite less attractive than a mission in Middle East, where soldiers feel well surrounded and taken care of by their own Troop (Tribe/Community’s values).

“Sometimes, we ask ourselves if we can save the vets, I think the real question is if we can save ourselves.”

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Stop blaming Society; we are Society.

Are you a passenger on a ghost ship or are you a pilot?

Me too, My-self, I have been a *ghost ship*, passing by last 5 years. Or maybe even much longer. Where damn have I been all this forgetful time? Well, I’ve found my shelter in the Present Moment. My hut, my happy go-to place: My inner Self. Congratulations. You found a boat. In the middle of the ocean, of all places.

RAF Holbeach ghost ship target with courtesy of Darren, Norfolk, UK


Coping with PTSD?

Check out my articles and poetry readings in kind collaboration with the ex Servicemen of British Army.

afghanistan anger anxiety balance belonging break down burn out combat stress coping with ptsd dark night of the soul depression emotional empath empathy fear highly sensitive person homecoming hsp meditation mental health mindfulness out of place out of the box panic paris attacks psychological ptsd resilience sebastian junger self care self discovery self love self worth shell shock social anxiety stress stress disorders suicidal trauma tribe veterans vets war vets weird yoga

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